Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Mousse on the loose

Gentleman and those few ladies out there. I give you...

Ferrari F430 Spider parked in North West LondonA Ferrari F430 Spider. Now this is a car. A 4litre V8, it's enough to make your teeth rattle. I spotted it parked outside the gym this evening.

Driving this car would be like... Okay, do you see this guy?

Imagine him walking up to you and saying, "I want you to take me back to your place and I want you to take advantage of me in every way you know possible..."

That, my pretties, is what driving an F430 is like. I would sell my body and lick the dirt off a beggar's balls to own one.

Seeing machines like that makes me very sad. The longing and yearning I feel cannot be described in words. So I won't try.

Speaking of things that give you a party in your panties, can we please look at this...

Tesco smooth, cold chocolate pudding...Before we leap into the chocolate pudding please can we note one thing.

Please look at the doodle on the paper on the right. See, a lot of planning, design and time went into the thing you're reading now. Well, a scribble at least. The drawing is not planted, I promise.

Anyway, so the chocolate pudding. Imagine cold, smooth and rich chocolate, against the roof of your mouth. Then look at this...

Go on, shove that Tesco Finest chocolate mousse in your mouthIt's like fucking food porn. I am going to have to limit myself to one a week.

I had it because as we know, today I was celebrating my Not Birthday. And what a wonderful day it was, thanks for asking.

This birthday was a test-run for the main event which begins on Saturday at Heathrow airport (that's when I fly to Seth Efrika).

On my Not Birthday I took the Central Line to work, going in a little later than normal the carriage was completely empty. So I sang Happy Birthday to myself between Lancaster Gate and Queensway.

I told colleagues about my decision to shift my birthday and bought them a box of mini chocolates to celebrate my coming of age. "No cards please."

They dived into the chocolates but not before I could salvage four little treats. Greedy bastards. (That's only a joke of course, in case one of them ever finds this...) Guys, I love you all and you all know that.

Idiots.

After my four treats I scoffed the chocolate mousse. And then went for a walk to the shop and wandered around the building and read a newspaper and went to the newsagent again and paged through some magazines and - I did fuck all.

This evening at the gym I did some cardio and abs to work off the chocolate.

So my Not Birthday has been a great day. But not as good as some poor fucker's on the Jubilee Line this evening.

He was quite drunk and kept falling asleep while standing up because there wasn't a seat. Every time he was about to drift off, his grip would loosen on the bars above and he'd fall forward and wake up.

Drunk office worker on the Jubilee Line, falling asleep while standing upIf only I had a Ferrari I would have offered him a lift. He was fit. "Come to daddy, boy... hurr, hurr..." Actually, that's something I've never seen or been involved in.

I'm sure the Tube is hugely cruisey. I'm just so bad at it and don't usually notice anyone else. Let along anyone trying to make the moves. It must happen though. Especially when it's so packed.

Oh yeah, so I pulled out the suitcase to start packing and I found a Tesco bag pull of pens. New pens, unused pens, ball-points, ink pens, fountain and highlighters.

Bobby's collection of pensI dunno, I guess someday I might need a pen.

?!

13 comments:

Gabriel said...

happy belated am not birthday :) good work on the new blog.

Bobby Cox said...

Thanks for the not birthday wishes. And thanks for the compliment too, now look at the time! You're keeping me up...
Me sleep. You must too.

Timmy said...

I'm so confused as to when your Not Birthday is/was. Do I wish you a Not Happy Birthday? Happy Not Birthday? Belated Not Happy Birthday? Belated Happy Not Birthday?

OY!

dickophile said...

happy not birthday! and you should totally share those pens.

sidenote: bobby cox? hilarious!

Lex said...

I think I'll do this non-birthday idea myself...it's pretty genius. Anyway, happy not-birthday.

Anonymous said...

You can do a hell of a lot of face writing with that many pens. The highlighters work well as eye shadow.

Sh@ney said...

LOL...Stuff the car boy, if he wanted a lift all he has to do is 'hop on' *winks*
Oh dont go spoiling a good thing for me...:P
Glad you found me around again. I did manage to lose a lot of my blogger pals. So I am grateful you jogged my memory by stopping by.

Hope you have an awesome trip to Seth Efrika..*winks*

Now I am confused do I say Happy NOT Birthday? Regardless I just hope you ARE happy EVERYDAY!
BIG HUGS!

Alfred said...

yes i am back.This is very nice blog.Thanks your not birtday. i will sang a birthday song for you lol.celebate you brithday of couse funny, interest and sometime may be like this man until drunk.

seahorse said...

eppie eppie bifday bicheet! Sorry for delay but i have 2kids drivin me mental and im off to the Alabama Adventureland. Very fucking exciting i know. Its like owning a farm in Zimbabwe.. You know you gonna get nailed somewhere along the line so busy we are! Hope your NOT bifday goes down a treat or went whichever it still gonna be otherwise have an awesome time back in deepest darkest efrika! Tc

Bobby Cox said...

Timmy: It's wasn't my birthday yesterday. That was the test run. The main event is on Monday actually.
That's when the whole fucking thing happens.

Dick: So the funny thing is that I thought that using aliases was a bit silly and Bobby Cox is actually very nearly my real name. Which is kinda of funny really.

Lex: It is the best idea. You can dry run ideas and test out things to say for when people really do celebrate your birthday. And it's like having two special days in one. I love it. And I think you should do the same thing too!

Anon: Good idea. I think I am going to have to do this and then post the pictures.

Shaney: I am happy everyday! and yey! it's nice to be in contact again x x x and I am looking forward to going home, even if it is that you are all in the middle of winter.

Alfred: hey! and thanks for the comment. haha - yea but of course I am not going to drink! And thanks for offering to sing for me. We should do a duet. You choose the song.

Seahorse: i am looking forward to a quick break in cape town. event hough it won't be hot. and this is the most semi-legit comment you've ever left. you must be off the booze a few hours then?!
mwah x x x

fleetmonkey said...

Seeing the hanging hottie in this post made me think about the graham norton thing i saw on Japan - im pretty sure they had a thing about a club where dirty old men pay to be packed tightly in a faux tube carriage where they can pinch bottoms indisrimenately.

Anonymous said...

Get on the internet right now and rent one for a day in Cape Town. What an awesome birthday gift to yourself. Believe me it is worth it and you deserve it.

PS….Knock ‘em dead with your brilliance or at least dazzle them with your bullsh*t. :)

L.

Sh@ney said...

LOL...Winter here aint that cold, you know that! Only get raised nipples if there played with if thats helps! :P