Monday, 28 December 2009

22:19
When I listen to The Pointer Sisters singing "Neutron Dance" I have this urge to flap my arms.

Anyway...

So listen - God, does it feel like the end of the year to you? Everything's coming to an end. It's the end of a decade for God's sake.

I have started to collect some of my favourite images over the last few months and what kind of fool would I be, were I not to share them with you...

So this is the first one of the BT Tower in Central London.

I think the kind of space-shippy structure against the clear blue sky.

And then there's this image of 1970s Soviet Russia...

Well actually not. It's West London at dusk.

Don't you think the cold-looking air and reddish hue give it a feeling of suppressed communist living? I think so - it's the tower blocks...

Then this picture which I absolutely fucking love. Everything just seemed to come together at exactly the right time, although it makes me look fat...

The colours are like beige and black and, I think it's a little cool...

23:23
God. So that's it for 2009 in London.

Tomorrow I fly to Cape Town for New Year but more importantly, for a holiday.

Therefore, this is the last post from London for this decade.

Whenever I hear people talk of the end of the decade, I immediately want to start singing "reached the end of a decade... in another ten years' time... Who can say - what we'll find...what life's waiting down the line... In the end of - '89....."

Weird. Weird how I remember first listening to that song as a kid and thinking about the end of 1989, which hadn't yet come. That was about 20 years ago.

That's the problem with pop culture being bombarded at you constantly.

I bet you can't recite three lines of a classic poem but could recite and source these lines...

"Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name and it feels like home."

"He came into your apartment, he left bloodstains on the carpet. Then you ran into the bedroom, you were struck down. It was your doom."

"As I look back upon my life, it's always with a sense of shame. I've always been the one to blame..."

"Some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you..."

"Hello. Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can here me..."

And even then there are too many words...

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?"
"Love... soft as an easy chair..."
"And now, the end is near..."

Or what about just three words.

"Lights! Models! Guestlist!"

23:54
So all of this leads to: Bobby's No. 1 song for 2009.

There have been some very strong contenders for this year...

Lady GaGa - Bad Romance
Mari1yn Man5on - Arma-goddam-mother-fucken-gedden (Teddy Bears remix)
Muse - United States of Eurasia
Pet Shop Boys - Love Etc.
Die Antwoord - Doosdronk
Fake Blood - Fix Your Accent
Prodigy - Invaders Must Die (Chase & Status remix)

However, the song that will come to forever be associated with 2009 stands head and shoulders above everything else.

I first heard it around March 2009 and instantly fell in love with it.

I knew I was going to have my birthday in Cape Town in early June and so I begged a DJ friend of mine, who spins at Cape Town's most fabulous gay club, if he would play the record for me when I was there.
I turned London upside down looking for a good quality bootleg copy and, as far as I can tell, the tune made its Cape Town debut thanks to me.

Back in London for the start of summer we went to the song's album launch in Heaven.

We danced to it at London pride. We danced to it at Brighton Pride. We roared with delight when Dizzy Rascal sampled bits of it at Wireless.

We beamed from ear to ear when they played it at XXL. And one of the remixes they played at Beyond.

When I was back in Cape Town in September I went back to the homo club and Charl played a remix version of the song when he saw me. (The Alex Sax and Evan Sax mix)

It is a song that, when I listen back to it in 20 years' time, will remind me of everything that's happened in 2009.

I've tried to hold myself together
Tried to forget you, gone away...
The tears I've cried
They won't subside.
Unless the music starts to play...
So come along now boys; and sing it loud and sing it proud...

Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer...
DJ give me the answer
Love stop getting me down, down, down...!

What an absolutely worthy winner of the title of The Song of 2009...


(Oh yeah, and if you're doing isotonic training and working your biceps and want to hold something for a minute, the time from the bridge to the end of the build-up after the second chorus is exaclty one minute...)

23:58
So will you excuse me while I go and finish the rest of my packing. See you in Cape Town.

2010 reckons, boys...

Wednesday, 23 December 2009

There are a few oddities in our house...

(How much would it bother you, were this to become some sort of weird photoblog? That's what it appears to be turning into...)

So anyway, in our house there some rooms where all reality seems to have been excluded. For example...

In the lounge there's a mirror that doesn't reflect.

And then in our kitchen, the microwave has a setting for "zero gravity".

If you're not expecting it, it can be a little disconcerting...

But enough of the house of comedy.

Have a look at these...

First is a VW that was parked in the road outside. I reckon, if you were to put a car into the deep freeze, this is how it would turn out after a few hours.

Yeah, it's been cold over the last few days.

And this is what -7C looks like...

How do you feel about that?

Cold should be your answer...!

Saturday, 19 December 2009

I am thinking of starting something called a blog. What you ever heard of something so ridiculous?

You're supposed to post stuff everyday. Don't make me laugh.

The name of this blog would be called "Teabreak On The Thunderbirds Set." That's because, when everyone takes tea on The Thunderbirds set, all the marionettes go limp and collapse...










I can't believe that people indulge in these silly blog things. They're for sissies...

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

22:51
I went and bought a new camera yesterday which I am loving. Although Sally isn't.

She says it's like living with the fucking paparazzi because there are even flashes coming from the bathroom. Ahem.

So anyway, to practice with this new device, I though I would share some pictures with you. This could be filed under the tab "most boring post in the world ever" but thank you for indulging me. Innit.

What I am going to show you, in a series of photographs is how to make my lunch.

First you're going to need square medium-sized Tupperware boxes.

Then, get a cucumber and chop it into little slices using a knife. Obviously.

You'll also need three tins of tuna. I used what must be the best invention ever and that is drained tuna. It means you simply peal open the tin and it's ready to eat.

No silly tin openers, no draining the bloody stuff...

Use a fork and dig the tuna out of tin but not too hard, otherwise you risk flicking the tuna halfway across the kitchen.

And now sort of poke your fork around the tuna and cucumber pretending to be all cookery-like...

Next, open a bag of Sainsbury's ready-prepared salad - the one with beetroot in it. I think it's around £1,19 a bag.

Then, as a little treat, drain some smoked mussels. Totally fucking healthy food fuck-fest...

Finally, once you've added the whole lot together, it looks quite yummy.

And store in the fridge for you to take to work and eat the next day.

And that's the story of my lunch for tomorrow.

Thank you for reading. Seriously. Thank you.

(Er... is anyone still awake or have you fallen asleep on your hands...?)

Those nine pictures in a few words each:
1/ Badly framed
2/ Wrong bits of the cucumber are in focus
3/ Okayish
4/ Tuna's too pink
5/ Dull
6/ Odd light from above
7/ Looks like everything's about slide off to the right of the picture
8/ Flat
9/ Stock (dull)

Tuesday, 08 December 2009

22:41
So I'm leaving the gym and it's been a good work-out. Pumping dem guns baby...

And I'm walking to the Tube station when this guy stops me. He's young but is dishevelled and a bit smelly.

He asks for money because he has forgotten his wallet at home. I have heard that excuse to beg before. And I have also heard the guy's accent before. He is South African.

I ask where he's from and he tells me he's from Durban. I ask him if he's okay and I ask him why he has no cash.

He came to London to earn some money but because of the way the economy's gone he has lost his job and is sometimes forced to beg. The benefits aren't enough to survive.

He has no friends because he's either abandoned them as he's too ashamed of his situation or they've returned to South Africa.

He's now living in a homeless hostel in Holborn. He comes to Swiss Cottage by bus to visit his girlfriend. "She's staying in a house around the corner."

She's not from South Africa but Eastern Europe. He says she's earning some money from time to time.

As far as his mum's concerned, her son is happily living in London. She doesn't know that he's actually homeless, alone and begging...

He doesn't speak to his dad - who probably wouldn't care anyway. And that's where this begins...


There is a plugin-thingy of an MP3 file on this page that may require a Quicktime download to play. It should work if you can see the play button. If you can't hear it, please let me know.

Whenever I see people begging I always think that it's a mother's child even though I never give.

It's even worse when you can picture their mum thinking that, although her son is 10,000 miles away, he is hopefully safe, healthy and warm.

Just like I know my mum hopes that I am.

Monday, 07 December 2009

00:08
I'm slightly too embarrassed to even show my face.

That's all I can manage to say at this point. Yes, embarrassed.

It's official: I am crap.