The End

The End.

That's it.

This was my life but life moves on. I have moved on. Thank you for reading when you did.

All of this and everything that's gone before it will stay up until someone decides it should be taken down.

I know I should have done it sooner.

The End.

The End. The End. The End.

If you want further entertainment try Random Hot Guys. It's at http://www.randomhotguys.com

While you were working...

Log onto Gaydar chat on a Monday afternoon shortly after 1.30pm and it's so fascinating to plunge yourself into another world.

I'm sat at home with Sky News on, having lunch and outside the birds are tweeting.

Within five square miles of me, hundreds of thousands of people are sat at their desks or in a Pret queue, typing Word documents or on the phone.

While London carries on as normal on an given Monday...

[nevergohungry]young cute guy looking for someone to fuck him in front of an older gentleman for £200 now... be hot, be hung, be good with your hands and don't be too short :-)
[esandwhizz]nr Tott Court Road - pvt ok Bottom for Top - accom NOW - chem session
[esandwhizz]nr Tott Court Road - pvt ok Bottom for Top - accom NOW - chem session
[esandwhizz]nr Tott Court Road - pvt ok Bottom for Top - accom NOW - chem session
[fitbttm4top]HUNG TOPS WANTED THIS PM
[fitbttm4top]HUNG TOPS WANTED THIS PM
[platts>CAMDEN/EUSTON TRAVEL ONLY
[kram22]wanting to suck cock good
[esandwhizz]nr Tott Court Road - pvt ok Bottom for Top - accom NOW - chem session
[old_etonian]WESTMINSTER AREA MEET NOW? GAGGING TO SUCK AND RIM A GUY!!!!!!!!!!!
[cumnside]DOORS OPEN. CUM IN AND WATCH ME GETTING FUCKED
[kram22]wanting to suck cock good
[frogmarch]HORNY BOTTOM BITCH NEEDS TO BE USED - W4
[frogmarch]HORNY BOTTOM BITCH NEEDS TO BE USED - W4
[frogmarch]HORNY BOTTOM BITCH NEEDS TO BE USED - W4
[frogmarch]HORNY BOTTOM BITCH NEEDS TO BE USED - W4
[ezaro28mad]hello everybody
[wolveskitlad]Any active dom top for a scally sub into footie kit, lycra gear and tights well up for cp, bondage, rubber, ws, bc etc - got cam + poppers gaggin please pvt me
[rainbow1963]Hi guys, I can accom now in Bethnal Green
[blondgeza]22 BLONDE HAIR BLUE EYES CAN ACCOM GANTS HILL LOOKING TO SUCK A GUY OFF TO COMPLETION!
[blondgeza]22 BLONDE HAIR BLUE EYES CAN ACCOM GANTS HILL LOOKING TO SUCK A GUY OFF TO COMPLETION!
[blondgeza]22 BLONDE HAIR BLUE EYES CAN ACCOM GANTS HILL LOOKING TO SUCK A GUY OFF TO COMPLETION!
[bottom_stockwel]any1 to milk in my throat now hi guys hot gym in stoclwell area looking for hot cock to milk - meesage me for more - msn cam / video av

The messages just keep on coming, faster than anyone can read them. Like the Victoria Falls, an endless cascade. Offers, some of them clean, most obscene. A sign how desperate things are on a Monday?

And I bet that, not 50 metres from "heavy cummer central looking to get fucked" there is someone in a McDonalds putting mayonnaise on their beef burger.

Such is the way in London.

My Fabulous Life Pt 1

Hanging out washing is such an unenviable task. Thank god I have someone to do it for me.

That's what I plan to say to be able to say to myself in the next few years.

I want my motto to be Vini Vino Lamborghini. Or rather; I came, I drank, Lamborghini.

Now that I am nearly 32 I have decided to live life fabulously. That's also my motto. In Vivo Fabulosa.

This fabulous will manifest itself with smoked salmon in the fridge, a mirrorball in the toilet and cupboards overflowing with Armani.

There will be no loo roll, there will be silk scarves by Salvatore Ferragamo. Wipe your bum with silk and flush it down the bog - I don't care.

I will fill the bath up with Dom Perignon and piss in it. The champagne I haven't used, I will drink from my patent leather Pradas. What we don't drink from, we bin.

Photo books from Phaidon I will buy and use as firewood in the BBQ on the terrace and on it we will create a bonfire using Chippendale desks, £50 notes and Chanel No. 5.

We'll collect civil war-weary Kalashnikovs and hang them on the wall. Our necks will glisten with diamonds sourced by bloodied 4-year-old slave children in Sierra Leone.

We'll used the skull of Emperor Bokassa as an ashtray, while we're slumped in our gold-leaf Colombostile chair vomiting into the glass of 52-year-old Macallan single malt.

In Scotch Vommo.

Bring me another slave. Paint my nails with the blood of virgins. Don't change the channel on the TV - throw it out of the window at the poor people below.

Financially poor, morally poor, aesthetically poor. In here we're so fucking beautiful.

I've just opened another pot of Sevruga because the Beluga's finished. I think I'm going to need more than just one Salvatore Ferragamo scarf. Bring it to me now.

Further Grindr fitties

Excuse me but collecting Grindr profile pictures is a valuable journalistic endeavour.

Right. Shall we start with the best? Although I have to say that somehow I don't think that the picture below is a proper punter photo. Or rather, it's a very professionally done "self pic"...

D'ya think it's legit? Pecsuk? More like Poutuk...

More legit. Hawt...

Again, quite hot but can't work out if this is taken in the kitchen or the bathroom. And what sort of phone is that? And is there a banana in the shorts or are the shadows rather flattering?!

I don't know why I kept this one...? I think it's maybe his rather amusing insistence about his preferences. Or maybe it's the very odd and veiny shoulder. I dunno... Looks a little fit although has a - hmm... white tank? Honey, the 80s aren't that back yet...

Older and bolder. Fit, yeah?

Check out this dirty little scally. He does angry face! Although I am not sure about the hat. And the old iPhone either. Sista, you is well time for an upgrade bruv. Etc.

I like the chest. He's rocking that JFK Jnr look, don't you think? Although at 38 years old you would think he would at least live in a house which doesn't have sheets for curtains. And he's kinda working the knickers too. Just.

Um. Yeah. I can't work out this one. Great skin - looks tight. Dunno why I kept this one. Would you?

"Just checking it out" is code for "horny bottom pump fist-fest pig oink", isn't it? Again, do you think this is a genuine pic or rather something nicked from some TV series biog internet page? He's whole face practically drips off those cheekbones. Dahling, you better werk!

Yeah, I like this one. Another dirty oink! But what's with the height thing? And is that a shirt or some sort of hankerchief that he's got draped around himself? Whatever it is, he's holding on to it for dear life. Perhaps later his teeth will be as clenched into the pillow. Woof indeed.

Beirut. I mean, everyone loves a little civil war once in a while. I think this one smells alot of Madrid Pride. And that's not the person in the pic.

And excuse me bitches...

If you spot any Grindr lushness, ping it forth. Let's air it for the globes to see. Get in. Mail me; amnotblog AT gmail.com.

Gordon Ramsay's filthy mouth

Hell's Kitchen USA is currently on ITV 2, that "cookery" programme in which Gordon Ramsay gratuitously swears profusely at contestants in the most contrived manner possible. The irony is nearly comical.

Gordon Ramsay has to pick a winner; that is, the chef who's produced the tastiest food.

However, isn't it strangely ironic that to get people to produce really beautiful food, out of Ramsay's mouth emanates the most toxic and vile language?

There's a quote; "cooking done with care is an act of love". So how does Gordon Ramsay interpret that?

Fuck, fuck, don't fuck it up, fuck man, that's fucking shit. Fuck. Shit. You're fucking shit. Fuck fucking fuck fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking fuck shit. Fuck.

He doesn't need tasty souffle in his mouth, he needs hot soapy water.

Jussayin.

Even more Grindr fitties

So here's more of the same really...

For 39 years old, that's not bad is it?

Then check out the chood below! Wow...

It took me a while to work out what the photo was, but it's of a moob resting on a stomach. Can you see it? It's a bit like guessing a Picasso.

Good eyes...

... and good Speedo.

The one on the left or the one on the right? I take the one on the right. Not both.

Doesn't the one on the left look familiar?

More Grindr fitties

Well, I use the word fittie rather loosely...

Just some of the boys I have spotted who're on the look-out etc.
(Now with added commentary...)

Cute, except for that leather thing around his neck. Yeah? Oh diddums comes across all shy like. If twink's your thing...

Then what about HauteVie or High Life? People who use French to describe themselves are either French or partially French. And there's a Facebook link.

Edit: Okay, this is a good photo. But there is something quite attractive though...

And then Tom? Either he's a dum blonde (check the email address) or this is some 50-year-old perv using the picture of er, someone from a TV series or Calvin Klein advert.

And Robert. What a good name. What do you think of Robert? I'm guessing Swedish? Or Southern California?

If they were casting a Rocky Horror revival, well they have their Rocky then, don't they?

And then this filthy little scally? I like. Of course he could have a face like two grannies in a scooter pile-up but does that really matter? Cheeky, fun and a sixpack. Is there anyone else wrong with this picture? (Other than the Achy Breaky Heart shirt...)

Finally. When in doubt or desperate, use puppies.

Passenger action on the Jubilee Line

Have you ever been on the Tube when there have been delays because of "passenger action"? I sometimes wonder what they mean by "passenger action" because Transport for London are usually quite explicit.

If someone jumps in front of a train they say that there are delays "due to a person under a train". Or if someone is taken ill then they will say just that.

But what is "passenger action?" Well, I can tell you.

It's Friday 26th March 2010 (holy shit where is the year going?!)

Anyway, I am travelling into Central London at around 22:20 and I get into a carriage where there is a woman sat who is, quite simply, raving. She's shaking and yelling.

This being London, everyone else is ignoring her by reading their paper but someone has pulled the alarm.

There are two extra-strength beer tins on the floor where she is sat and she's holding another one.

I step out of the carriage as soon as I got on and it's not long before staff from the station arrive.

The Tube employee is trying to get the woman to let go of the can of alcohol that she won't stop drinking from.

It's not long before the ambulance service arrives and thankfully by this time they have managed to prize the can of lager from the woman's grip. Can you see it on the ground near the door?

Now we get to the frustrating bit.

The woman is absolutely inebriated, on super-strength beer so she's shaking, shouting and refuses to get off the train. I reckon she was bordering on an alcoholic stupor. She can't speak but is making loud shouty noises.

And when the paramedics try to lift her up, she yelps and wiggles loose to become free and fall back into the chair. She's too drunk to even tell them to fuck off!

(Note man with newspaper...)

Finally, having sat there for about 5 minutes, other paramedics have arrived and with the help of the station staff, the woman is picked up and bundled off the train...

She off and we're on the move!

We arrive at the next station, the train doors open and from the platform you can hear the automated announcement.

"Ladies and Gentleman there are delays reported on the Jubilee Line due to passenger action at West Hampstead station."

So you know what that means...

Thoughts on I Love You Phillip Morris

There are definitely spoilers ahead so, if you want to see the film, I wouldn't bother reading further because it will just spoil it for you.

OK, so if you didn't know - because the makers of the film have been struggling to find a distributor for it; 'I Love You Phillip Morris' is like a gay rom-com-con drama prison thingy with Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor.

Ewan McGregor (he Scottish) plays an American and there are a few times when his accent wobbles. And Jim Carrey sometimes teeters on the verge of becoming Ace Ventura and shouting "aaallll-righty then!"

But actually, on the whole, the film is pretty good. Well, there is one sex scene that is like hectically gay.
That's not to say that the sex scene makes it bad - it's just that the level of er - detail, I don't think was necessary.

I liked that the film appears to be a "start to finish" film but actually takes a lot of twists and turns. Get me?

The narrative has a lot of colours and textures too. There's farce, comedy, romantic moments, smutty moments, sad moments - it's all in there.

Maybe the reason that this isn't a better film is that it does sometimes feel a bit box-tickey.

I spotted a few Hitchcockian noir-ish techniques, for example, whenever Ewan McGregor's character is upset, he is seen behind the shadow of prison bars.

And just before bad things are about to happen, calm water features in the scene.

Anyway.

Yeah, the groany bit was at a particularly tender moment the Duetto-Sul Aria from Mozart's Marriage of Figaro is heard which is, of course, used heavily in The Shawshank Redemption. Maybe this is on purpose.

My friend Katie (she, straight) said she really enjoyed it and thought I might like it. I phoned her afterwards and thanked her for the recommendation.

"I thought it would be 90 minutes of La Cage Aux Folles, but I was pleasantly surprised."

I am not recommending you go and see it. Four people walked out during the film. You'll either mildly enjoy it or loathe it. True?

Thoughts on Alice in Wonderland 3D

There may be spoilers ahead so if you don't want to know, then don't read on...

So. I absolutely loved it. Loved it.

Do you know when you're sitting watching a film and you think to yourself, 'god, I'm just so loving sitting here and watching this?'
That's how I was in 'Alice'.

I loved The Red Queen, played by Helena Bonham Carter. Loved. I loved Stephen Fry as the Cheshire Cat.

Of course Tim Burton (the director) lives up the road from me in Hampstead in London (please note monumental name and suburb bomb, thanks...) Anyway, so old Timmy, my mate, lives up the road and obviously takes walks on Hampstead Heath in the winter because so much of the scenery resembled Hampstead Heath.

So it all felt warm and close to home. Aaah...

And did you notice too, for example, when Alice is sitting in the White Queen's castle before she slays the Jabberwocky - the scenery isn't matte painted, the waterfalls in the background actually fall?

It's those minute attentions to detail that meant I just felt lavished from start to finish.

I didn't find the 3D tiring or intrusive and there weren't the tedium of endless things flying out into the audience.

It was colourful, clever, visually stunning and; I have read some critics who've moaned that the characters are a bit short and one-dimensional but I disagree. This is Alice in Wonderland, it's hardly fucking Ingmar Bergman.

Oh well. I loved it and would go and see it again. And Johnny Depp was brilliant too. Although I am a massive fan of Tim Burton. Batman and Beetlejuice are in my Top 40 movies of all time, like.

I would give it 8.5 out of ten.

All you can eat...

If you're in Cape Town and you don't go I will consider it a dereliction of your duties...

And with a whole 27 of them, there's more than enough to go around...

So come on then... fresh meat anyone? You for seconds? Do you like your beef salted? etc...

David Beckham causes earthquake in snowy Vancouver*

* = not really, but it sounds good.

I know we've done it before but like a dog returning to its own vomit, we'll do it again...

This is only because it's one of my obsessions... So, how much do we love pictures of suburbia?

You'll find the original here.

The original photo is here.

This is nearly as cool as a David Hockney painting...

See the original photo here.

And then this one, which almost has The Jetsons theme tune running in my head...

The original photo is posted here.

Be. Still. My. Beating. Heart...!

The original photos is available here.

It's the awnings man... it's all about the awnings!

The picture is available here.

Okay... I think that's enough obsessing about amazing houses...

Thoughts on A Single Man

Big flashing pink black warning: Major spoilers ahead.
If you have seen the movie or don't plan to but are interested anyway, read on... otherwise don't read further because it will spoil the film for you...

Yeah. There's nothing nicer on a Friday lunchtime than going to a cinema and being all alone in the audience, ironically, to watch A Single Man.

The only problem is that I really didn't enjoy it. Or rather, I did right up until the last 3 minutes.

So, extraordinarily stubborn man's lover dies and he believes that life isn't worth living so he's going to put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger.

But at the last moment man meets a young hottie so decides not to commit suicide but then falls off the bed and dies of a heart attack. Are you kidding me?!

OK, the film is ba-yootiful. Stunning. The art direction is beautiful. It is beautifully shot. Beautiful clothes. Beautiful sets. Polished cars. Clean surfaces etc.
It is luxurious, rich and sumptuous, like a two-hour Gucci advert (Tom Ford, ahem...)

And Julianne Moore is stunning, the boys are stunning, Colin Firth and his hair are great. The lighting, the shots - everything is absolutely handsome but you pile all of that onto a story that, for me, has such a flimsy ending and the whole thing collapses under its own weight.

Which is exactly what happens.

Colin Firth's character George is a complete drama queen. He is stubborn and annoying. Yeah, we all have issues in our lives and we get over them. I haven't read the book (by Christopher Isherwood) but I did think to myself that he was too arrogant to commit suicide. He wallowed in his own self pity. Colin Firth plays all of that, exceptionally.

I loved the use of "Ebben... Ne Andro Lontana" when George is trying to kill himself. Complete melodrama.
The aria, from La Wally, is basically sung by a despairing women who thinks she's lost everything.

I loved Julianne Moore's character. Did I say that?! She's Patsy Stone with better hair.

I loved the scene when George is solicited by the Spaniard outside the bottle store though I couldn't work out if the screaming Psycho poster was on purpose.

Yeah. For a directorial debut (at the risk of getting really poncey...) it was very good. But the massive anti-climax at the end ruined the whole thing.
It's like those annoying films that continues for two hours, only for the main character to wake up at the end and realise it was all a dream.

Or when a friend starts to tell you a really good story and ends it with "I'm only joking..."
Meh.

David Cameron votes to stike British Airways with a Ford Fiesta*

* = not really.

I don't know what Grindr is. Actually, I have never even heard of this social-networking device for poofies and half-poofies.

Although I will say that a friend of mine once downloaded Grindr and turned it on at the office and the bloody thing went into meltdown which is probably why my friend only uses Grindr for shits and giggles.
And to gossip about colleagues he spots on Grindr.

Oh, go on then... yes or no?!

And, yes or no?!

And finally...

Even when you're cruising, always remember the earthquake victims...

If someone had the initiative they would register guysongrindr.com and turn it into the new Guys with iPhones.

Sometimes I think I should give up my usual job and start up an internet consultancy. For example, I still can't believe that the official Wimbledon website is at www.wimbledon.org

Surely the URL should be www.wimbledon.net

Think about it...

Lottery winners vote to invade Afghanistan with Gordon Brown*

* = not really. It's SEO baby.

No seriously. It's weird not having a home. A home in the sense of somewhere that I call home.

I live in London. I have lived in Cape Town. I was born in Zimbabwe. So where is home?

I was walking through Westfield London, looking at the hordes of people and they were all foreigners. Foreign to me that is.

I am not really British but I live here. In my passport it says that I am British. I also have another passport that says I am South African.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about moving back to South Africa. But the South Africa that exists now is not the South Africa that I know.

I left it in 2003. A lot changes in seven years, especially in a place like South Africa.

Going back to Cape Town is nice because the place hasn't moved on. It is a fishing village and that's its charm.

The problem is that at some point I am going to have to stop running. At some point I am going to have to commit and say this is my home. Where that is, I don't know.

I am not someone who wants to dress in the South African rugby jersey and I am not someone who feels emotional when I hear the South African national anthem.

I miss the county - and not in some cheesy "the pulse of Africa beats in my heart" rubbish.

I think to myself every morning, "when I am 40 or 35 or 50 or 60, I'm going to give up the endless fight that is London and move back to Cape Town" but then I think about Cape Town and what I would move back to.

Life in Cape Town is superficial. It's skin deep. It's easy and it's dangerous. The place annoys me and it infuriates me. Cape Town is limited. It is small.

London is big. London draws you in. London is someone who you serve. No-one is bigger than the city.
You feel like you can't leave London. When you're not in London you feel like you're missing out.
London is hard and it's tough. It's difficult. The people in London are like they are in New York; no-one gives a fuck.
Oddly, the same can be said of people in Cape Town.

I just look at the long-term prospects for South Africa and it doesn't look good.
When I think of the future of South Africa, all I can remember are the words of Mzukizi Gaba, a senior member of the ANC who once told a police officer, who arrested him for driving on the wrong side of the road; "The day Mandela dies, we will kill you whites like flies!"

Oh, I don't know where this is going. I know that comment is incendiary and I know that it's bad to leave it at that but ...

Whatever. Right now I am thinking of a place that I'd like to call home. Is it in London?

If London was by the sea and had a marvellous temperature and a lovely mountain and all my friends were here and there was no overcrowded Jubilee Line, I would start to call London my home.

Clare Short marries Jordan and Alex Reid in Haiti*

* = have you heard of SEO? It's all about cramming relevant facts into the headline. We're taking it to a slightly new (ridiculous) level...

It pains me, it really does. I wake up in the morning and I think to myself, "I really should write something on that blog..."
And then I roll over and think about it and drift off to sleep.

Well, not really.

I spent so much time building this little thing up, writing it and caring for it. It's a bit like watching a plant in the garden wilt and slowly die.

There is something that I am working on and enjoying it, even though at the moment it's in need of updating...

http://yearofcox.tumblr.com
And no, it's not pictures of willies.

I have taken a really cool picture which I can't wait to upload. If only I could find the lead that attaches the camera to the laptop. Bollocks...

Oh, I'm sorry but where did 2009 go?

And - can you believe that it's already nearly February?

Can we talk about music for just one second. In particular, one song...

When I hear the first few notes of the tune my back teeth start to ache, like when you bite into ice cream.

I'm going to type the first few words for you and perhaps you will scream and run to the dance floor in some sort of twee mock excitement.

Or you could do what I do and battle to keep your dinner down. You ready?

"I gotta feeling. That tonight's gonna be a good night..." Oh god.

You know how the rest goes... "Too nize the night. Let's live it uh" etc.

I've tried to pin down exactly what it is that makes me loathe the song so intensly and I think the reason is that it's too contrived.

There are other songs like it;
Chumbawumba - Tubthumping
Lou Bega - Mambo No. 5
Baha Men - Who Let The Dogs Out

Those are songs that, at the time, everyone thought were fabulously hip but were actually just destined to become a disco filler at weddings when the drunk dads in suits stagger about the dance floor.

"I Gotta Feeling" is just as bad as the rest of them. It's safe. Contrived. Phony. It's a bumper sticker of a song. It's like the "joke" that the presenter's sidekick tells in the morning on the radio.
It's the FW: FW: email that contains some lame quote about ambition and destiny.

I don't think I'm being sufficiently rude enough. Although, why have I decided to attack it now?

Murphy's Law dictates that as soon as you cultivate an intense dislike for a piece of music, you will then hear it as often as possible - gym, radio, shopping centre...

I think it's quite enough for one day.

Brad Pit and Angelina Jolie divorce in shock Manchester United shirts*

* = obvious rubbish but for the sakes of SEO (aka making your site credible in the eyes of Google) we have to insert important words into the title.

Yes, I know. So.

The problem is that the internet in South Africa is reliably shit so you can't really do much. I was on holiday there, it was nice.

But now I am back in the UK, which is nice. Sort of.

Being back in Britain means using the internet is a far easier experience which is why I've been able to stick some of my favourite holiday pics on Flickr.

If you want to have a flick through them you can do... some of them I quite like and the only reason I do is because Cape Town is photo-tastic.

If you want to see some of the photos, click on the lonely rich man in his swimming pool in Clifton...


Although that's not what I wanted to show you.

Right. So we all know that this place has become a little dusty of late and that's because I have been working on something else.

No, not another ... basically, I tried it last year and gave up sometime in May mainly because I dropped my one and only camera.

It couldn't really work if you didn't have a camera. Now though, I have back-ups.

So basically... new toy but the toy you're looking at isn't going to be thrown into the bin. It's not dead, nothing's stopped and and...

Click to take you there, baby...



If you like it, you can check back but there are some points...

1/ I will take a new photo every day but sometimes I am not going to be near the internet in order to post it. I will do my best. Innit.
2/ Um...
3/ It's already annoying me because some of the colours in the photos look odd. And there's no uniform colour, structure or feel to the pictures. They're all a bit haphazard but maybe that's the point?!
I dunno - maybe they would be boring if they had some sort of uniform style.

Hopefully as the year progresses the photos will get better and better. Whatever.

Um... yeah.

Anyone for tennis?

British Airways staff vote to wear Gordon Brown masks and dance in the UK snow*

* = emphatically not true, but...

There's this new thing called SEO - have you heard of it? Apparently Google rates a lot of information about a site or story by the words in the title.
Hence, in 2010 we're going to have ridiculous titles because we're all about credibility and since British Airways, Gordon Brown and snow are all in the news, who are we not to jump on the bandwagon and piss from the inside outwards?
Oh, and SEO stands for Search Engine Optimisation.

So, what a busy little beaver have you been then?

I have been busy too... preparing something for you. I'll show you in a couple of days but here's a taster...

I call it; "How to relax..."