* = not really. It's SEO baby.
No seriously. It's weird not having a home. A home in the sense of somewhere that I call home.
I live in London. I have lived in Cape Town. I was born in Zimbabwe. So where is home?
I was walking through Westfield London, looking at the hordes of people and they were all foreigners. Foreign to me that is.
I am not really British but I live here. In my passport it says that I am British. I also have another passport that says I am South African.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about moving back to South Africa. But the South Africa that exists now is not the South Africa that I know.
I left it in 2003. A lot changes in seven years, especially in a place like South Africa.
Going back to Cape Town is nice because the place hasn't moved on. It is a fishing village and that's its charm.
The problem is that at some point I am going to have to stop running. At some point I am going to have to commit and say this is my home. Where that is, I don't know.
I am not someone who wants to dress in the South African rugby jersey and I am not someone who feels emotional when I hear the South African national anthem.
I miss the county - and not in some cheesy "the pulse of Africa beats in my heart" rubbish.
I think to myself every morning, "when I am 40 or 35 or 50 or 60, I'm going to give up the endless fight that is London and move back to Cape Town" but then I think about Cape Town and what I would move back to.
Life in Cape Town is superficial. It's skin deep. It's easy and it's dangerous. The place annoys me and it infuriates me. Cape Town is limited. It is small.
London is big. London draws you in. London is someone who you serve. No-one is bigger than the city.
You feel like you can't leave London. When you're not in London you feel like you're missing out.
London is hard and it's tough. It's difficult. The people in London are like they are in New York; no-one gives a fuck.
Oddly, the same can be said of people in Cape Town.
I just look at the long-term prospects for South Africa and it doesn't look good.
When I think of the future of South Africa, all I can remember are the words of Mzukizi Gaba, a senior member of the ANC who once told a police officer, who arrested him for driving on the wrong side of the road; "The day Mandela dies, we will kill you whites like flies!"
Oh, I don't know where this is going. I know that comment is incendiary and I know that it's bad to leave it at that but ...
Whatever. Right now I am thinking of a place that I'd like to call home. Is it in London?
If London was by the sea and had a marvellous temperature and a lovely mountain and all my friends were here and there was no overcrowded Jubilee Line, I would start to call London my home.