Swap

I only have ten days at work left before I swap this...

For this...

I know you don't really care but I'm just saying.

Thanks ever so.

Backtrack

Ah. This is heart-warming. Well, it warmed my heart anyway.

This is all true.

So, as you may know I work at a place where we have an audience which is sometimes daunting, especially when you get the following e-mails:

"I was phoned by my employer late last night to tell me that my hours are being cut again to 50hrs per month.For me that is the last straw,I can no longer afford to live on what im earning.
When I send this im going out to the car & im going to kill myself,I just don't see any way out of this mess.I have no debts,all my outgoings are necessary to live a basic life & now that has been taken from me as well.

I spotted it in the inbox and thought 'ah shit...' and quickly sent back something in response.

I sent the e-mail from our audience response account so my identity is obscured - it's to avoid us getting into a one-on-one arguments for example.

I have to admit that my response is a fairly standard cut-and-paste job but I made it a little more sincere. Just in case.

Hi,

You sent us a pretty distressing comment and I wanted to drop you an e-mail in response.
If you're feeling in despair or suicidal, it could make all the difference to talk to someone about what you're going through. You could talk to your GP/family doctor, or to someone who is trained to help. Medical professionals and counsellors will be more equipped to help you deal with the problems that you may be experiencing.
Please try to speak to your GP, or talk to someone at the Samaritans, their contact details are below: ... etc.

All the best,

Bob

Then, this morning an e-mail is forwarded to me by someone else who's subsequently been into the inbox and saw a response to the one I sent:

"Hi,
Lately due to events in my working life I have felt my life was going down the toilet faster than a politician could put in an expense claim (& that's fast).
I was really at a low point then yesterday I received an email from someone who iv never met & their concern reminded me that its not all doom & gloom (Thank-you).
Yeah things are bad but they will improve because we as humans are adaptable,resourceful & above all the majority of us really do care about each other."

That's nice.

Adverbs

At the moment I am:

Wondering how /if it's possible to move to the States.
These thoughts constantly swirl around my head when the weather is as shit as it is currently. I want to live in a place like London but with warmer weather. LA is the answer.

Considering admitting to you that I own all the ABBA albums. But that's maybe a little too much information.

Confused by this billboard near the Tube station at home.

I don't know if you can make out the words but they say, "what's more, he's Jewish."

The ad is for JDate - a dating website for Jews (d'ya see what they did there?!) but I'm really confused.

Surely Jewish people, above-all, should know that not all other Jewish people look like Woody Allen?!

The first guy I went out with was Jewish. He gave me a book about converting and I still have it. I'm still thinking about it actually.

I was in Fiddler on the Roof at school, I know some Yiddish phrases and I live in North London.

Hmm...

Did I ever show you some pictures from New Year's Eve?



The weird thing about seeing that in real life is that it really looks like it looks in the picture. It's odd.

Like the Hollywood sign or Buckingham Palace - you see them and you think "yeah, that's it - but in pictures it looks a lot different, perhaps better."

Fireworks behind Big Ben really looks like that. It's like your brain can't really believe that it's real.

I'm trying to think what other things are like that but I can't. The Eiffel Tower maybe? Or famous artwork.

I think that's where we're going to leave this post. I'm thirsty for a cup of green tea.

Will someone put the kettle on please?

Lick it

Before I go to the gym I stop off at the cornershop nearby to pick up an energy drink.

This energy drink is usually consumed while I'm changing into my gym kit, to boost my energy levels ahead of my workout.

Usually there are usually only two brands on sale, Red Bull and V. That a can of Red Bull in this shop sells for around £37, I usually opt for the latter.

And I've noticed that more and more types of energy drinks are appearing, for example Shark, Attitude and Relentless - which is sold in a can the size of a beer barrel.

Incidentally, I love how just about every ad agency seems to have trodden the same worn-out path.

"Right, we have this new energy drink we have to sell. Let's think of an image and word to sum it up. It needs to be something aggressive and punchy."

Unlike the name of the energy drink that caught my attention tonight.

Er.

"Red Bull gives you wings", "Energy is Relentless" but Pussy!?

"I know, let's call it Pussy."

"Er..."

"Yeah, then young people can make jokes about 'when last did you have pussy.' Hahahahaha..."

I don't understand why they beat around the bush (unintended). I mean, why didn't they just call it Fuck?

Why bother trying to be clever?! Of course I know you want to ask...

So what does pussy taste like (hahahahaha)? Well, rather spicy actually but that's not why I've kept the tin.

Indeed, a lame and smutty energy drink deserves no less...

Imagine that, blown up (hahahahaha) to billboard size and pasted on a hoarding along the M40. Genius.

And since we're using foam for nefarious purposes, check this out.

Someone who I've never met and wouldn't want to anyway has decided to take a picture of themselves every day for the next 364 days. I'm pretty sure they won't manage to keep it up (hahahahaha).

New Year's Day, London

It's 2009.

If anyone has any resolutions they'd like to give me, I'd be extremely appreciative otherwise I am going to be pondering the following important hypotheses in '09:

All art is useless
All nature is beauty, only humans create ugliness
The cat sat on the mat

Happy New Year.