Oh bugger it. You only ever get to do this every four years...
McCain takes Kentucky and Obama takes Vermont. So no-one saw that one coming. I was planning to go to bed but this is exciting. Sort of.
Of course the only channel you should be watching when in Britain is the greatest broadcaster in the world - the BBC.
And right now I am being treated to this flame-haired Republican beauty in New York...
Don't say it because I spotted it.
Winner Takes It All? Gimme Gimme Gimme? Knowing Me, Knowing You? The potential jokes are lame but endless.
This game is called "Can you spot which is the cardboard cut-out?"
So it's over before it even started - there's no way McCain can pull it away now...
McCain is right now writing his concession speech.
Sometime after 1am... The floor manager in the studio needs to do some tidying up. Evian, posh.
She has the greatest name on the Beeb but can we go to Katty Kay in Arizona?
Er, no. Apparently at the McCain election HQ in Arizona the band is drowning everyone and everything out. Telling.
1:46am London-time and on the telly is Jesse Jackson. "Now the walls of segregation which were once built - are now not so built." Eh?
Jeremy Vine doing the number crunching in London-town tells us that "New Mexico is a fascinating state to look at". Indeed.
According to the BBC, Fox News projects that Obama takes Ohio and Ted Koppel just said "if that is so - then it's all over."
So does that mean it's time for bed?
Remember the water bottle from three pictures up? It's gone. Vanquished.
Somebody obviously read this and decided to do some tidying up. Glad to be of service.
Sometime after 2am. 2.20-ish? And the Kat's back...
But what has the Russian flag got to do with anything?
Don't ask - I won't let you look silly. Here's the Russian flag...
No! The slip up of the evening. The Beeb-man called it "Ark-ansis".
Oprah's just exclaimed that she's in "full vibrational mode." Yes, nice. She really did use those words...
Bollocks. Obama's just hit 200 electoral college votes. Shall I go to bed or wait til we hit 270 votes? This is history in the making...
Did you know that in Iowa there is one human for every 8 pigs? Apparently. So says David Dimbleby.
Okay, it's nearly 3am. I think it's now time to go to bed.
This guy from the Republican party just said that er, it's going to be a long night. Which is key...
Because it means that I think it's time to go to bed.
Is it? Yes it is. History's about to be made or something.
I want to sleep.