Monday, 1 September 2008

Resolutions

When you hear someone say that there aren't enough hours in the day, it's because their time management is shit.

Which is why I decided that from September 1, I was going to make an effort.

1/ Cut down on the drinking. I can feel my kidneys / pancreas / liver aching on a near-daily basis. However, I will say that Kronenburg Blanc is just so tasty. Anyway, no more of alcohols for an entire month.

2/ Go to gym more. This summer - since flying back from Cape Town on June 16th, I've probably been to gym no more than 20 times. I just can't be fucked.

3/ Um.

4/ I can't remember what the third one was but the forth one was to make an effort with these internets more. What's the point if you don't ever make a point?

At least I can resolve point four right now because I am writing on this.

Here is the mandatory but random picture:
Yum. Last night while I was at work, sorting through a mountain of tapes, I decided that one day before The Resolution, I would scoff a pizza.

Yum yum, bubblegum... stick your finger up your bum. But not in a gay way.

It was delicious and I decided to accompany it with these plastic garlic wedgey-things who did a very good job at pretending to be edible.

Now here comes the inevitable paragraph on regret and self-loathing:
Oh, I wish I had the willpower to say no to pizza and fattening, ugly, dirty food that makes you fat and unattractive.

It's like the fuse that some people have, that blows a circuit at the mere mention of carbs, just doesn't work with me. I don't stop - I just devour.

Oh, if only I had a body like the model in the aussieBum adverts, then people would respect me and listen to what I had to say and offer to sleep with me.

And I would have people tell me I was funny and interesting and I would be fabulous and lovely and interesting and only hang around people who live in flats with mezzanines and good lighting.

And finally, here's the all-important but hollow resolution:
Tomorrow I am going to make extra-special effort at the gym.

All I want in life is to be photographed with my friends on the beach in a Speedo, so that I can post it on Facebook and make the album as public as possible so that everyone in the world can see just how interesting (and beautiful) I am.

I am going to do that. Tomorrow, I promise myself - the first start at the beginning of the journey of the rest of my life.
I'm not getting any younger - only older, so the time is now.

"Do everything you can do, now!", is my new motto. Just as Cher says on her 1996 Farewell Tour album - the one after The Very Very Last Good-Bye Ever Tour.

Get ready cos I'm coming at cha! I'm a lover and a lighter. Er, fighter I mean. I will conquer.

Er:
So that was easy enough. Maybe we should do it all again tomorrow then?

7 comments:

Monty said...

Bring on the pic of you in speedos (or Aussiebums, I'm not fussy)! Yummmmo! ;-)

Bobby Cox said...

Monty: They're on my Facebook page! ;-)

fleetmonkey said...

Your comment about dirty food reminded me of my friend Libby who has a strange relationship with food. She has "clean" food and "dirty" food - for example a fried egg is dirty food whereas a boiled egg is clean food.

So wheres the link to your facebook for speedo pics?

Superdrewby said...

Being trained by an Actual real Aussiebum model (and having seen another one naked hard and enjoying himself) I can give an insight into what one eats and what the doesn't eat.

One eats nothing even remotely yummy, he survives on all good food and is even thinkingof cutting out meat to trim down to less than 9% body fat

whilst the otehr survives on a diet of everthing with a very large helping of crack, G and coke

Monty said...

OK Bobby, I need to become your Facebook friend then! :-)

Bobby Cox said...

Fleet: I don't really have a dirty or clean food regimen but it sounds like a great idea! Like so; a Burger King Whopper, strawberry shake and a line of cocaine - that's clean is it?

Drew: Crack, g and coke. Got a guy who can do the triple - be still my thumping heart! Yeah I know, that's my problem too - I love my food too much to ever just survive on grilled turkey and steamed broccoli!

Monty: You can poke me as often as you life.

Monty said...

More than happy to provide ample poking Bobby. ;-) Feel free to email me (my address is in my contact details on my blog) and I'll track you down on FB. ;-)