Tonight in the gym. Two straight boys, one with an amazing body the other not so amazing.
They are behind me and we are walking into the shower stalls.
I hang my towel up, get in and yank the curtain shut. The one straight boy with the amazing body in the stall to my left, the other straight boy with the not-so-amazing body in the stall opposite.
The boy with the not-so-amazing body, at the top of his voice, to ensure that his mate can hear him...
"Ah... This shower is so warm. It's making me feel like I want to have a poo."
The boy with the amazing body; "I know - if this was a Muslim shower we could have a poo..."
"Because they poo standing up, don't they?"
"Oh yeah..." Pause. "This best thing is taking a massive poo, just after you've woken up."
"Yeah, if you have coffee, after like 20 minutes it's like just a massive relief."
"That's a BP"
I stand there, lean on one foot and put my hands on my hips.
Suddenly there's an earth-shattering noise, like the ground is opening up and the showers stalls shake.
One of them has burped.
Then the other one burps but it is forced and sounds stupid.
"That was shit. Hold on..."
Then another ground-shaking belch, that goes up an octave in the process.
I left boarding school 12 years ago but it feels so odd to be back there suddenly.
I leave and don't stay around for the part where they run around naked and flick each other with their towels.