Urgh. I am in a glass house and I am not going to throw stones but.
There is a time and a place for having a wank in the showers at the gym. Anytime before noon is not the right time.
I have finished my run, am wrapped in a towel and head on into the showers. There, in the third stall on the left, is the most awful site.
A man, who could have not been younger than 75 years old, is stood with one hand holding onto the glass divider and the other yanking his fun gun.
The showers in our gym are automatic (it's very posh) and the one in his stall had turned off. So he wasn't even pretending to have a shower and then whoops... accidently the hot water makes his mayonnaise pistol stand erect.
Instead he was just stood there, his vomit rod out and waiting for a trick.
I went and showered in the furtherest stall possible but on the way out, he was still there.
Instead of leaving I stood and stared. I guess for a very brief moment he must have thought that his persistence had paid off.
But then, with the greatest amount of disdain I could muster I, at the top of my voice, boomed "that's really inappropriate!"
For one brief moment I was "Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells."
He squirreled back into the stall and I saw him reach around to grab his towel. I left.
But then it occurred to me how, maybe what I did was a little inappropriate.
If he'd been 28 years old, with a great body and a killer smile would I have done the same thing? Definitely not.
Was I rude to him because of what he was doing or because I thought someone of his age shouldn't be doing that? I'm ashamed to say it's the latter.
In Sainsbury's. A crashingly tedious and monumentally dull experience. If you really want to know then it was a few tins of tuna and some spinach in a bag. And other stuff.
I'm very confused.
This is the album artwork...
You can watch the music video and hear the song in broadcast quality here...
But for some ridiculous and bizarre reason the song is only being released as a download on 20 June. Why the wait?
And what do you think anyone who listens to the song and likes it, is going to do?
Wait until 20 June? Will they fuck. A quick Google search will take you to an illegal site where you can download the tune.
And yet it is the record companies who whinge about how piracy is killing music.
Well if that is so then why the fuck are they withholding the release of single by six weeks only to send fans off to download the track illegally?
I don't get it.
For an industry that pretends to be ahead of the curve, this kind of decision is very fucking antiquated.
Perhaps we should start some internet campaign to get the record company to release the song earlier.
Every day that it's withheld is another day that the record company loses money as punters download it illegally.
The song is finished, the music video's done. I don't understand why we're not allowed to buy it!? It's not a bottle of bloody wine that needs to age.
Of course I am NOT suggesting you do anything illegal, I am merely pointing how ridiculous the situation is.
And besides, I want to listen to the bloody song on my iPod in the gym. It fucking rocks and you know how much I love The Freemasons.
I have e-mailed the address on the Freemasons' Myspace page and the address for Loaded Records but am not holding my breath.
If you want to e-mail the bosses at Loaded Records and tell them to get their act together and drag themselves into the 21st century do so.
(Please ignore these, they're tags to push what I've written to the top of any Google search...)
Freemasons Freemasons The Freemasons Brighton Loaded Records Sophie Ellis Bextor Sophie Ellis Bextor Heartbreak (Make Me A Dancer) MP3 June 20 release single single single CD download Freemasons Unmixed Shakedown Loaded Records freemasons loadedrecords
This morning it was cardio and so I am back at the gym for back and shoulders.
The showers are empty.
I think I am the only person in the whole of the Great Britains that isn't watching the Apprentice.
Ping! An e-mail arrives.
Some guys from school want to have a reunion in London.
I don't know how auspicious a 13 year school reunion is but the idea sounds, well...
Can I really be bothered to dredge up all those emotions from 13 years ago again?
It's uncanny how a school reunion is much like a sex party. On the surface it seems fun and intriguing gathering of like-minded people.
Dig a little deeper and you realise that it's actually all rather hollow and empty and everyone's there for one thing, in the case of a reunion, it's to show off.
Er, much like a sex party.
Which is why, if we do have a reunion I will only go on the condition that partners are allowed.
That should give the bastards something to talk about...