There is what appears to be an iPhone and it's making a noise.
There is so much to do today, metaphoric mountains to climb. This is why I award myself an extra ten minutes in bed.
Ten minutes is like 12 minutes or something but who's counting? I am not.
This is the moment we hit the gym. We will do 30 lengths of swimming, then weights and then we will do abs. Attack!
There always has to be at least one every day that comes along to break my heart. Bastard thing...
This is the backside of an Aston Martin Vantage. As an object of design it takes my breath away.
I make a mental note to myself to be a little less un-gay and obsess over designer clothes and not sports cars.
I am sitting at my desk which is always an amusing sight to behold. Except I don't sit there for long because Jonathan (he of sex party) is around and that means we must gossip.
It's people you don't know about but basically - she's having an affair and he's black. It's been happening for some time now but Jonathan is convinced that her husband is actually gay and that's not an affair but instead that their marriage of convenience is becoming a little too open to be taken seriously.
And then there's Carl. Now his brother is the good-looking one on telly. Jonathan says he met Carl at a sauna but didn't realise it at first because they were in the sauna and he was getting a blow-job from someone who turned out to be Carl and it was a little embarrassing but they decided to go off someone quiet and apparently all Carl wanted was to get on his back and Jonathan who is usually a ...
(I think like Jonathan's sex parties, we've had enough of Jonathan's gossip too...)
I have decided to learn all the words to Lady GaGa's songs for the sake of it. One never knows when this knowledge may come in handy.
So we're all decided that the best lines from Poker Face are:
"A little gambling is fun when you're with me. Russian Roulette is not the same without a gun..."
I am undecided about the following pair of legs that I am sat next to on Le Ligne de Centrale.
I rate them between ordinary and okay.
They're not bad and they're not exceptional. What is helping that is that they're not excessively hairy or that it's patchy hair. The owner of these legs has also been in the sun which is good.
What isn't assisting the case for the prosecution is something you can't see. The details on above the shoulders wasn't that impressive at all. Minus at least 27 points for long hair.
There should be more of this sort of calibre of dress on the Tube I think.
I am considering buying a car. The car that I am considering buying will be the new VW Polo.
But let's leave makes and models and let's talk bumper stickers. There are a few I am considering because I think bumper stickers are going to make a comeback.
This time next year every single car that you see will have a bumper sticker on it.
Like indie kids who have bleached hair, stripey socks and stick badges all over themselves, so car owners up and down the entire world will be plastering bumper stickers on their motors.
Trust me, I have felt my balls regarding this. They're crystal you know...
So, I don't want some boring crap like "my other car is a Porsche...", I have narrowed it down to three options which I think you will agree are catchy, tasteful and well, just brilliant.
1/ I miss my ex. But my aim is improving
2/ Diamonds are a girl's best friend but my dick is a close second*
3/ Don't come knocking if the car is rocking
*This one may need tweaking.
I need to go to bed.
I need to take an anti-histamine.
I need to take a sleeping tablet.
I have done all three.
So this Monday wasn't that bad because at some point in the day I saw that Virgin Atlantic were having a birthday sale on flights.
I hauled out my credit card and looked at the special fares.
How much fun would it be to arrive at the bar in Cape Town completely by surprise and tap someone on the shoulder to say "So, I think you should buy me a drink..."
It could be the costliest and most ridiculous thing I have ever done. It could end in disaster.
Do you know what?! Whatever.
Life is for living. I'll have regrets when I'm dead.
I have started counting the days because sometimes you just have to close your eyes and jump.