So work is on the phone wanting to know what I feel like doing today and at first I tell them to go fuck themselves except I say "er, I'm kinda not really feeling like seeing any of you..."
But then I realise that maybe I should go into the office, if only for a laugh.
Eurostar are using homo-normative imagery to promote their services.
(Spotted at Bong Street Tube station.)
Of course using benders immediately seems to make Eurostar cosmopolitan, urbane and ohmygod. What's with those guys?!
If they wanna use homos in their marketing I really think they need to have a sit-down reality check.
Snuggly shit like that doesn't sell. This shit would though...
This is the office and this is where I work. I start an argument with a colleague about something and I think they accuse me of being rude but I don't really remember. Who cares.
I could do with a trip to Paris.
Everyone is thinking it but no-one wants to mention it...
Tomorrow I have to get on an Airbus plane and fly long haul and on airline that has the word Atlantic as part of its name.
I am online checking the stats and judging my chances.
The aircraft I will be flying enroute to Johannesburg on Wednesday is an Airbus A340-600.
We find a sample of this particular machine and it resembles thus..
Wikipedia is gracious enough to supply us with the following details:
0: Number of these machines that have crashed
2: Number of these machines that have skidded off the runway
1: Runway at Johannesburg International that is one of the longest in the world
I am vaguely reassured by these stats but still panic that the only tranquilisers I have are Nytol.
Remind myself that I really should not arrive late at an important meeting when wearing a black T-shirt on which says, in luminous yellow letters, "I Drink At Work."
In Westfield. It's a shopping centre and it's big.
Ping! An e-mail arrives.
I wrote to Virgin Atlantic telling them that I was a bastard loyal customer and that I didn't have to fly to Joburg but only did it out of loyalty and that they should repay the compliment (i.e. give me fucking airmiles as a thank you).
Some bitch* writes back something like "unfortunately we can't just hand out miles but thank you for your custom" bla bla. I read this as: "get stuffed".
Is there anyone reading this who works for Virgin Atlantic?
I could have flown BA direct to Cape Town but instead stuck with Virgin Atlantic out of loyalty. Screw you for not saying thank you. I want miles or an upgrade please. You're an airline, not some bastard charity.
Please e-mail me if you work for the airline: foxycoxy AT me.com so I can't give you my details. (Please note how I'm being so pushy.)
And if you don't e-mail I am going to tell on you to Richard Branstone Pickles.
* = she's only a bitch because she declared "access denied" to me.
All I will say on the matter is that Will.i.am and I now share weights. And to help me, he touches me. That is all I will say on this issue.
Back from the gym and I have the washing machine on and I am laying clothes out on the bed and - has anybody read this far?
Bitches, I love you like I love it when the cat starts to convulse and make that whooping sound just before it pukes... so do you mind if I fuck off and go and pack while you talk amongst yourselves?
It's just I have a lot to do and not much time to do it in.
Thank fucking bingo. I have finished that job application I was supposed to have done a week ago.
Wondering if I've left it too late to send an e-mail to a friend who had a baby prematurely a week ago.
What does one say?
"Happy baby stuff... sorry have had a sore tooth and couldn't write back to you last Tuesday. Hope you're okay. I'm off on holiday so er...
Tell your husband (Keith? - who can remember...) that I hope he and you are doing well and that the baby is also fine.
You never told me if it was a boy or a girl. Seeya."
I think that will suffice.
I'm feeling that today my inner being has been very negative. Have you picked up on these vibrations or maybe the tone in which I've said things to you?
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
I am going to go to bed and think happy thoughts but not before I've done some more packing.
No seriously. Is there anyone actually reading this? I'm feeling all insecure. That fucking plane better not bloody crash because I will be livid.
(And spread over 4 square kilometers of Africa's most picturesque landscape)...