La la la la... get out of bed, la la la... nothing to do today. Have a fabulous day. La la la...
I am hungover as fuck because instead of being in G--------- I am in North West London and hello! It's so hot in London at the moment.
Last night I went out with Katie and we decided to sit in a dingy* pub in East London, drink beer and cry about the state of our lives.
Interpret that as: Katie and I went to the George and Dragon, got pissed on Cava and danced to Siouxsie and the Banshees. Über indie baby, cos that's what we are...
(The Times called the place dingy, I am merely quoting)
My parents text me. It's a joke about him not having a heart attack but a stroke in the children's ward.
The moment my parents are in on the joke is the moment we all know that it's now becoming completely stale.
He's gone. The end.
My parents' regurgitation got me thinking...
So everyone's going on about the Thriller video being totally ground-breaking like it was a Caterpillar or something. And I am sitting thinking about my favourite music videos of all time.
I work out my top five best eva.
I decide to share them with you...
Firstly, Michael Jackson is not in the top five. If there were a top 20 he may be. "Thriller" would be there and so would "Bad".
Madonna isn't either. For me the songs came before the videos. "Express Yourself" and "Justify My Love" could be exceptions.
Basically, I have chosen my top five videos mainly because I like the song more because of the video. If the video wasn't as good, I wouldn't like the song etc.
So, a late entry would be Lily Allen's "Not Fair", a music video I enjoyed before I heard the song. Fiona Apple's "Criminal" is another one.
"Criminal" is maybe in sixth place. Have you seen the video? It's like the dark side of an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue. Or Calvin Klein on crack. It's brilliant.
So here are my top five music videos of all time...
Marilyn Manson - mOBSCENE
The 20s freakshow theme, the sumptuous production and horrific burlesque Waffen SS-style dancers - it fits together so well.
There are obvious hat tips to "Cabaret", "All That Jazz" and Bob Fosse. If it was just the song I would think it was a little obvious. The music video makes it exceptional. Brilliant.
Watch mOBSCENE on YouTube.
Eurythmics - Beethoven (I Love To Listen To...)
We all know that the video for Sweet Dreams (with the cow and the violins) is probably one of the most famous of all time but it's not my favourite.
The video for "Beethoven" is about a schizophrenic housewife who goes mentally bonkers. I think it's brilliant and again, there are obvious tributes to 70s sitcoms and Clockwork Orange.
Also, the single is their first from the 1987 album "Savage". Mental health problems and drag queens back then? Even though I was too young to appreciate them, this video is part of the reason why Eurythmics are in my top five bands / musicians of all time.
Annie Lennox is my home girl.
Watch I Love To Listen To Beethoven on YouTube.
Benny Benassi - Satisfaction
Glossy, colourful, funny, ridiculous, gratuitious, over the top, exploitative - I wish I had thought of this first.
I just love that some cheeky bastard has gone in and taken the piss and tried to have as much fun as possible.
And if you listen to the song, you can't help but think of power tools. Especially the "ground breaker" that makes the mountains shake.
It's just such a simple and ridiculous idea done so well. It's gold.
Sebastien Tellier - Sexual Sportswear
I can't tell you what it was like when I found this video.
I already thought the song was exceptional and in my head I had a few ideas of how I would make the music video, if it were up to me.
And then I found the clip and I just sat for about three minutes slack-jawed while I watched it.
It's art but set to contemporary music. It is the epitome of erotic and sexy and delicious and beautiful.
I'm beginning to sound slightly pretentious but I am smitten. There are hat tips to Vegas extravaganzas, Maurice Binder, 80s electronica etc.
Exceptional. 11 out of ten. I really think it is extraordinary. It could nearly take the top spot it wasn't for...
Justice - DVNO
According to iTunes I have watched this video more than 59 times.
The most compelling video of all time. Can you spot the logos for Young and Restless, Oxford University Press, HBO, Sega, TGI Fridays, Fox and the Jacksons' song "Can You Feel It"?
Channel 4 is also featured, as is MacGuyver, Top Gun and Stephen J Cannell right the end. Stephen Cannell is the folded paper that used to appear at the end of Murder She Wrote and the A-Team.
This is number one because it is so compelling but also because the song would be nothing without the video.
I love it and my life is less because I didn't come up with the idea. Come on, who as a kid used to draw famous logos in the back of their school books? Exactly...
Watch DVNO here.
In the process of tidying up I decide to make a video of my own...
This is what we call snooze time.
I wake up in cold sweat, scared because I have been dismissive of some people's music video efforts.
So I decide to show you - and perhaps you have seen this before - but judge those valuable contributions against my effort at making a music video once...
I am doing some washing and need to concentrate.
Would you excuse me for a bit...