Tuesday, 30 June 09

22:15
There are things that happen today but I don't take much notice of them because they happen so predictably.

The tube is delayed
The fat guy in the gym gets in the way constantly
I forget my wallet at home
In a 40-minute meeting that should have ended 39 minutes ago and my eyes won't stay open
The protein shake opens in my gym bag
The queues in the Sainsburys are no less than 10 people deep

I wish I didn't have to be stressed about the tube. I wish I had that gene that made me happy on public transport to shove up against people I don't know.

I wish I didn't have to go to the gym. I wish that need to look good vanished and I was happy being overweight. I would eat carbs and not care. I would, like people in the office do, wear T-shirts that barely fit over my would-be bloated stomach.

I really wish I didn't give a shit about the way I looked.

I wish I was organised and I wish that I could live some pretend-happy groundhog day existence where every evening I packed my bag all nicey-nicey so that I wouldn't get to the Tube station and realise that I didn't have my wallet.

Protein shakes are a pain. I've already made my wish about not needing to ever want to go to the gym again.

I wish I was happy to stand in queues and not mind the fact that they are a monumental waste of time. Everyone seems so content to stand there, waiting.

I want a life where I sit at my own desk and do things. And tick boxes and write endless pages of crap headed "Marketing Report".

I want a Line Manager. I want to have to be concerned about what I wear to work.

I want to work in a place where colleagues wear shirts and guys try to outdo each other in the Who's Got The Smelliest Designer Aftershave?

And Who's Got The Best Comedy Cufflinks?

And at lunch we're all unleashed into the West End for 59 minutes before being manacled back to carry on writing those Marketing Report Feedback Customer Service Satisfaction Experience reports.

I want to work for a company that has the word "Solutions" in its name.

And then every Friday we would go to the All Bar One and order the second cheapest bottle of wine on the menu.

And we would get drunk and discuss what we'd read in one of the tatty and free London newspapers.

Over the weekends I'd hang out with my friends, people who worked for companies who have the word "Management" in their name.

And we'd swap mundane stories about our tedious lives as cannon fodder, er...

Okay, maybe I don't want that life.

Sometimes you have days in London that completely grind you down and wear your spirit to breaking point.

A day when it seems that all you've done it push a rock up a hill, only for it to roll all the way back down again.

Today has been one of those days and I look at my life and I think, if only it were simpler and easier.

But then you peer over the fence and you see the grass on the other side and you realise that the lawn you're playing on isn't actually that shit after all.

It's not the grass on the other side that's greener, it's you that's crap.

22:59
Videos where guys who think they're fit and muscular stand and pose and flex for the camera don't really turn me on. I find them a little ridiculous actually.

However.

This video catches my attention because the guy in it probably has the most amazing body I have ever seen in my whole week.

It's so unattainable I can't even work myself up to get depressed about it.

23:01
That's it really...