Monday, 17 August 2009

Mondregs

09:01
Right.
Roll over and go back to bed. This is Monday afterall, I mean for god's sake, what the hell are you supposed to do?!

09:23
Putting my tog bag down in the gym. Ready for a big fat session. Cor, get in there!

09:27
Oh this is quite annoying. I am using a new iPod Shuffle that I loaded with songs last night and it seems I've sorted them by song name instead of album.

09:28
This is really annoying because on an iPod of ready-mixed Hed Kandi music it means that while running you have... "and if it wasn't for the music, I don't know what I'd do do do.... last night DJ saved my" - "Heartbreak make a dancer dancer dancer..."

Music that jumps around really screws with the gym karma. And so is the guy I notice who isn't wearing the usual baggy T-shirt but a vest instead.

Since when the fuck did he get so fucken hot!? Fucker.

11:27
In HSBC bank.

11:51
In NatWest bank. I don't tell NatWest that I'm cavorting with the enemy down the road. Inside my cold heart glints at this treacherous behaviour.
(I think this is a sign that I need to get out more...)

14:15
Okay, shut up. Murder, She Wrote (MSW) is on.

14:21
I always love the beginning of MSW because it's a race to guess who's going to end up being stiffed.

14:36
Why is Jessica Fletcher always right? Howcome they never did an episode where she's like "oh but Sergeant Spencer - er, that couldn't be possible because the murderer would have... um. Fuck, my theory is all shit."

14:56
I imagine when the production team used to write MSW, I bet they had a flipchart in the room marked "phrases every episode must have."

For example:

Jessica to the investigating officer every time she accidently finds herself trying to solve a gruesome and heinous murder: "Officer, would you mind if I just had a look around?"

Just before Jessica solves the murder she says to the useless police chief: "but sergeant, aren't you forgetting one thing...?"

In every scene where Jessica confronts the murderer and explains how she knows they're guilty: "you knew about it all along..."

For added impact, if the murder is particularly gruesome - i.e. a family member who did it who's usually a tennis coach called Trey - Jessica will say "you knew about it all along", while squinting and shaking her head in utter disgust.
You go girl!

15:01
And howcome no-one ever suspects Jessica Fletcher of committing murder. She's always there at the bloody time. Yet it's always someone else. Personally, I don't buy it.

15:37
At around this time in the afternoon I always like to have a little snooze. You will excuse me?

16:23
Did you ever do this at school?

So you ask someone maths questions where the answer is 15. Like, 10 plus 5 and 21 minus 6... so that they constantly say 15. After about 15 questions you then ask them to think of a vegetable and they will always say carrot.

Try it on someone - but who knows how it works?!

22:46
There's this programme on the BBC (what a ghastly broadcasting organisation, everyone hates it as much as NatWest - the bank - and you shouldn't watch it). Anyway.
This is a dig at someone...

Put it this way - I watch the BBC so you don't have to. So. There's this show on the BBC where the contestants have to lie to each other and guess which is the truth and yadda yadda.

I'm inspired. Here are three Truefax! about the Cox, you have to decifer which is the fact and which is fiction a lie.

And tonight's theme on The Narcissus Bonanza!* is "The gym".
* = the quesion mark is all-important, style-wise.

Statement 1:
When I first started going to gym, I didn't take it that seriously because I was a total pisshead. So much so, in fact, that once I decided to sit in the jacuzzi with vodka and cranberry juice in my water bottle instead of water.

Statement 2:
When Richard Branson launched Virgin Active gyms in South Africa I was dispatched to go and interview him. The only quiet spot we could find in the gym was the disabled toilet. So I interviewed the Virgin king while he was sat on the toilet and I was sat on the bin in which women throw their womeny stuff.

Statement 3:
Once, while at the gym, I walked into the steam room and there were three guys doing rather steamy things. Things that weren't really meant to happen in a public place. I was so annoyed that I went and reported them and they got kicked out of the gym. I reported them not because I was disgusted but because I was irritated that they hadn't invited me to join in.

So which is true? Only one of them is. I quite like this fun game.

23:11
Fuck. Is that all I did today - went to gym and watched TV?

I rate it 3/10... and there aren't even any pictures. Tomorrow there will be pictures and there will be laughter. Moonlight and music.
And love and romance.
Let's face the music and dance.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Bobber

I am fairly new to the gym scene. I first joined my local gym 4 months ago and have been working out solid. There is this guy there who's about my age and we say hi and whanot and have briefly talked in the past. However, lately what I noticed is that whenever I come into the weight area to lift, he comes near me and starts flexing while looking in the mirror, like doing double bi position and shit. What the fuck? Any idea?

Monty said...

I reckon all three are TRUE!!! They all sound like something you would do! :-) But if I MUST choose one, then I would say number 1.

Anonymous said...

With the small, tiny, little bit of insight we have come to ‘know’ of you, I just don't know. Strangely I can see you being involved in all the scenarios.

Since there can be only one answer my guess would be #2. (Only because I think you have mentioned you did radio when you were younger. If you were on a television show all bets are off…..Can’t see Sir Branson doing an interview in the loo on TV).
Liz

fleetmonkey said...

I think all three are actually true to some extent - the first one fully; Richard Branson was sat on the girly feminine hygiene bin and you were a git and took the loo for yourself; and the third one I reckon you were part of the steamy goings on and got kicked out of the gym.

I missed the end of MSW yesterday - I thought it was probably the daughter who did it rather than the tennis pro - although I expect it was something more poignant like Jess having to send the mother - her friend to prison at the end - let me know I can't bare having to google through 20 years of episodes.

Josh said...

Door number 2, Monty...

Anonymous said...

Having been blessed with a great body, I look after it the cheap way, jogging and good diet ......... never been to a gym although everyone thinks I do go.(I love it!!)

I reckon number 1 is true. Do tell!

Anonymous said...

Number 3 is blates the true one!

Bobby Cox said...

Anon: Yes. This is a curious affair...
What's a double bi position?
I don't know what this could mean... but if they're in the gym and working out - assume the worst!
Hmmm... pinch his bum and see what happens...

And the second anonymous personage who only runs ... you're not the hot guy who goes to my gym with the great body who I always see in a suit at the Tube station are you?
Do tell! Do tell!

Anonymous said...

Alas that is not me. I don't go to a gym at all but do wear a suit. I gather you live somewhere in west London? I'm in South West. We've "Chatted" before. Remember the Investment Banker who did porn in my university days?