Wednesday, 19 August 2009


Around 2-ish
Roll-over, awake.

Around 3-ish
Roll-around and wake up.

Around 4-ish
Roll-mop, awake.

Around 5-ish



Alarm goes.

Suddenly feel utterly exhausted. Could turn and fall asleep in an instant. What the fuck is that all about!?

Recipe for trying to stay awake having only had a few hours sleep:

1 x Maximuscle Thermobol
1 x Berocca
1 x sugar free Red Bull
1 x USM protein shake with Alpro soya milk light.

This recipe seems to be working because I have made it to the tube station and I am still awake.
When I feel a crash coming in, I have sachets of Black Powder.

Sounds fierce and that's because it is. It's like having a nuclear charge forced up your bum. It's this stuff...

A peanut butter and sesame bagel should do the trick.

Oh, that's sort of hit the spot. That and another sugar-free Red Bull.

It's a blur.

Everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who. Has one thing in common, too...
It's a blur.

(Or something...)

Another Red Bull.

Bobby's Cultural Observations
(Part of a series, non-recurring)

English people* when it's 32C: Urgh! It's like a bloody heatwave - it's too hot really.
English people when it's raining in the middle of summer: Where's the bloody heatwave we were promised?
English people when it snows in winter: God, this is like living in the bloody Arctic
English people when it doesn't rain for four days: It's a bloody drought.
English people when it rains solidly for three hours: Get the sand-bags I'm concerned about flash-flooding.

(* = as in native to the British Isles, not people who speak English but come from the colonies. The ones who come from the colonies don't just moan about the weather, they moan about everything.

"In (delete as applicable) Australia / Canada / South Africa / New Zealand that's a lot bigger." "Yes, in Australia / Canada / South Africa / New Zealand we've done it slightly better."
"In Australia / Canada / South Africa / New Zealand it's like yours but a bit more exciting." "In Australia / Canada / South Africa / New Zealand ours work, even in the rain."

What do you call a South African in a suit?

The accused.

I was going to try and find you some other South African jokes but typing "joke + South Africa" into Google produces stuff that should have been tossed into the dustbin of history long ago.

In Westfield.

So let's not go there...


I am trying to type but my eyes are like cast iron shutters.

My sense of humour: gone
My motivation: gone

That hamster on the wheel feeling is back. That's the feeling I really hate.

1/ Make lunch
2/ Re-pack gym bag
3/ Empty dishwasher
4/ Oh...

I can't think about it.

Please excuse me. Tomorrow we'll have naked can-can girls and a man who can lift weights with his penis*.

* = both subject to availability.


scotrock said...

Reading the website (950% increase in Nitric Oxide!!) that Black Powder stuff sounds as though it ought to give you impressive erections!

fleetmonkey said...

based on scotrock's analysis - will it be you doing the penis weight lifting bobby?

MadeInScotland said...

Hey Robster, talking of abs, as you usually are, can you beat these:

Made in Scotland: New York New York

(not the statue ones, but the guy right at the bottom of the post).

He and his pals stopped traffic.