Saturday, 19 September 2009

Friday night recap

Having a thinking re-cap about the night before.

So at a bar for the homo-les-bi-gay community there is a guy who is rather sober because he's had a day off the booze. This is a guy on holiday from London but formally of the parish of Cape Town.

Said guy is talking to a rather well-oiled young gentleman. The young gentleman is rather striking and incredibly good looking.

And here begins thus conversation:

London tourist (LT): "I don't usually do this - I mean I don't smoke but do you mind if...?"

Young gentleman (YG): (Getting out a cigarette) "Haha dude - sure - as you were walking towards me I could see you were going to ask for one. But I don't have a lighter..."

LT: "No problem I'll find one."
YG: "Ya, I need a light if you do too, sorry..."
LT: "Cool"

(LT borrows a lighter from one of the lesbians in close proximity)

YG: "Dude - just so that you know, I'm straight hey...."
LT: "I asked you for a cigarette, I didn't ask you to suck my cock."
YG: "Haha... it's just you don't seem like 'queeny' so I wasn't sure."
LT: "Mate, fucken don't assume shit. But if you're not gay then what the hell are you doing here?"
YG: "Ya, it was one of my friend's birthdays."

Discussion about Young Gentleman's lesbian friend inevitably leads onto the sort of questions these type of people ask...

YG: "So can I ask how long have you been gay?"
LT: "Mate, I've been dressing up in women's clothing and sticking my hand down the coaches' pants since I can remember."
YG: "Haha (he's laughing nervously, not knowing whether this is a careful play on a stereotype or an admission)

LT: "It sounds like you're slightly scared of gay guys..."
YG: "Well no dude - I used to work in the fashion industry so I'm okay with gays. Like everyone was gay so fuck you know, you can hate."

And the conversation turns to what Young Gentleman did in the fashion industry. We learn that he was a model. He is now 28. In 2002 he won a South African modelling competition. Part of the process meant wearing a Speedo. We are shown Young Gentleman's stomach as he seems eager to show it. It is still pretty good. Pretty good.
Pretty pretty pretty pretty good.

LT: "That's pretty good. Pretty pretty good."
YG: "Ya, but it used to be better I promise you."

We sense that Young Gentleman has a need to impress. We like the impressionable. Lion meets Wildebeest.

LT: "Mate - no offence but have you ever done anything gay because I have heard about fashion and shit.
YG: "Dude no way. It's all queeny, like fat fuckers with tape measures so even if there was it's like no fucking way."
LT: "Listen, we're both men of the world. Okay? So can I ask you - can we strike a deal?"
YG: "What?"
LT: "Let's strike a deal. I get to kiss you and in return, if any other homo ever asks you again, you can say you've tried it and it wasn't your scene."

YG: (Laughs very loudly, an "everyone look at me" laugh)
LT: "Mate, this is a serious deal. We both get what we want. Look at the fucking talent around us. There's none. So I get a kick hook-up with a hot guy and you get life experience."
YG: "What?"
LT: "The homos will never bother you again. All these gay fuckers - they just want everyone to at least try. That's what they see when they see straight men like you. If you say "I've tried it, it's not my thing" then they will leave you alone. They'll respect you.
It's like the mafia these days, it's all about respect. Like Goodfellas. Just me, it's respect."

YG: "So you just wanna kiss me and I don't have to kiss you back."
LT: "No, no... in return - you get to be able to tell all these gays that you've tried it and you don't like it. It's life experience."

YG: "What, so like now?"
LT: "Not at the fucking bar, do you think I want these people to see me kissing you?"
YG: "No well..."
LT: "So around the corner, outside."
YG: "Shit man...'' (There is a pause. He is either going to punch me in the face or...)
YG: "As long as I don't have to kiss you back."
LT: "Mate, when last did you brush your teeth?"
YG: "What?"
LT: "I'm ordering sambuca because I don't want your bad taste in my mouth"
YG: "Ya - but for when we get back."
LT: "What?"
YG: "For afterwards..."
LT: "Deal..."

So LT and YG leave the bar. And walk through the car park. Towards a tree. It is dark except for the light from the street lamp. They find a spot between the tree and a high wall.

YG: (Quietly) "So for how long is this going to last?"
LT: "Shhh... All you have to do is put your lips on mine. Like ...."

YG is unsure at first but tongue appears. And LT slowly puts his hand up YG's shirt, onto his muscled stomach.
And LT puts his other arm around YG's shoulders.

In light from the street lamp they kiss. And kiss. LT opens his eyes. YG's remain shut.

A good time later back in the later

LT: "So mate - we need that shot now. I need to get the taste from my mouth."
YG: "Ya - tequila? But what taste?"
LT: "Mate the taste. The taste of enjoyment. Tequila is shit for it. I'll have sambuca."
YG: (Said so quickly that there was no way that any thought went into what was being said) "Okay maybe I'll have sambuca too."

Never ever has a Freudian slip sounded so beautiful, uplifting, heartbreaking and painful.

Somewhere out there there's a man for Gavin. He doesn't know it himself yet. And the man who is going to spend the rest of his days with Gavin doesn't know it either.

It's not me because on Monday I get on a plane back to London. I didn't bother to take his number.

But also, somewhere out there there's a Gavin waiting for me too.

I hope that tonight Gavin's looking up to the stars, as I am...

Somewhere out there
Beneath the pale moon light
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight.

Somewhere out there
Someone's singing a prayer
That we'll find one another
In that big somewhere out there.

And even though I know
How very far apart we are.
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star

And when the night wind
Starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping
Underneath the same big sky...


fleetmonkey said...

Ok Fievel - nice pulling

Wish I had the guts to try that tack with some of the straight lads i meet. The having the Sambuca shot is a nice touch as well.

When will you be returning from SA?

scotrock said...

Sounds like you can add "gay evangelist" to your resumé, Bobby! :-)

W said...

classical music tips:

1. Arvo part: Tabla rasa
2. Faure: Requiem

Jay said...

Ahaha. . .that was the best post ever! Is that not what gay dreams are made of?*

* Kissing a straight guy


seahorse said...

lmao..nice one slut.

Jake said...

Congrats, you stud.