Did you know that peanut butter can be used as a substitute for shaving cream?
It's true because I read it on Wikipedia.
The bloody bastard washing machine has broken which means that unless the landlord comes to fix it tout suite, I am going to be wearing an aussieBum vest and leather trousers to work.
The bottom of my feet are slippery from the athletes foot spray. Not because I have the fungus chewing on the soles of my feet but because I am scared I may get it.
Guess what? Don't worry, I'll tell you...
I was doing a trawl on Facebook for people who worked for Virgin Atlantic. For research purposes you understand, and do you know that what I found shocked me!
There are trolley dollies who are straight! What!?
That's like finding out that there are gays in the Hells Angels.
Don't get me wrong - I am not the kind of person to make sweeping generalisations ever but I thought that all male air stewards were gay? I mean hello!
I see they're bringing Caligula back but this time it's going to be (roll of drums...) uncut.
Shitty movies that were purely designed to titillate and nothing else are the best. Basic Instinct doesn't fall into that category because it was actually fucking brilliant. Showgirls does.
I think there's a group on Facebook called "Everything I know in life, I learned from Showgirls". How fucking true is that?
Like how many times do you find yourself using the line "you can't touch me but I can touch you. I'd really love to touch you."
Or "if you wanna last longer than a week you gotta give me a blow-job." Cinematic gold.
I've thought up a list of totally crap movies with the only redeeming quality being that there is some form of hot male mess in them:
Two Moon Junction
Remember Richard Tyson? Hello! 80s hunk-o-spunk rocks.
Elias Koteas is blue-collar psychotic fitness. Plus a naked James Spader if that floats your er...
The movie where you see Kevin Bacon naked in the shower. Totally hot.
The Pillow Book
OMFG. Naked Ewan McGregor in like the whole film. I remember seeing this at the cinema and it really wound me up, to the point where I was cross-legged most of the time, so that I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of friends.
I can't think of anymore and I need to go to bed.