Monday, 25 August 2008

Like totally important

Did you know that peanut butter can be used as a substitute for shaving cream?

It's true because I read it on Wikipedia.

The bloody bastard washing machine has broken which means that unless the landlord comes to fix it tout suite, I am going to be wearing an aussieBum vest and leather trousers to work.

The bottom of my feet are slippery from the athletes foot spray. Not because I have the fungus chewing on the soles of my feet but because I am scared I may get it.

Guess what? Don't worry, I'll tell you...

I was doing a trawl on Facebook for people who worked for Virgin Atlantic. For research purposes you understand, and do you know that what I found shocked me!

There are trolley dollies who are straight! What!?

That's like finding out that there are gays in the Hells Angels.

Don't get me wrong - I am not the kind of person to make sweeping generalisations ever but I thought that all male air stewards were gay? I mean hello!

I see they're bringing Caligula back but this time it's going to be (roll of drums...) uncut.

Shitty movies that were purely designed to titillate and nothing else are the best. Basic Instinct doesn't fall into that category because it was actually fucking brilliant. Showgirls does.

I think there's a group on Facebook called "Everything I know in life, I learned from Showgirls". How fucking true is that?

Like how many times do you find yourself using the line "you can't touch me but I can touch you. I'd really love to touch you."

Or "if you wanna last longer than a week you gotta give me a blow-job." Cinematic gold.

I've thought up a list of totally crap movies with the only redeeming quality being that there is some form of hot male mess in them:

Two Moon Junction
Remember Richard Tyson? Hello! 80s hunk-o-spunk rocks.

Elias Koteas is blue-collar psychotic fitness. Plus a naked James Spader if that floats your er...

Wild Thing(?!)
The movie where you see Kevin Bacon naked in the shower. Totally hot.

The Pillow Book
OMFG. Naked Ewan McGregor in like the whole film. I remember seeing this at the cinema and it really wound me up, to the point where I was cross-legged most of the time, so that I wouldn't embarrass myself in front of friends.

I can't think of anymore and I need to go to bed.


Anonymous said...

Leave the Virgins alone and come back to BA....
Ade x

Monty said...

You should talk to Darth Gateau (he's linked to my blog) - he was in HR for Virgin Atlantic - he can tell you a story or two... ;-)

dickophile said...

you seemed especially scatterbrained today. i like it. and i bet all those male air stewards are in the closet fucking each other.

Bobby Cox said...

Ade: You're big enough and ugly enough without me! ;-) You know that in the end, we all come back to BA...

Monty: Thanks for the tip - I found his blog. I have no reason to talk to him now but perhaps sometime soon...

Dick: you're probably right you know....

fleetmonkey said...

Hettie air stewards - what is the world coming to.

Welcome to Air Scotia flight 69 to Cape Town -

My favourite Show Girls line - "Last Chance Ice?"

Bobby Cox said...

Fleet: "I'm erect - why aren't you erect?"

The Neighbors Will Hear said...

I've flown VA to London, and I'm pretty sure that none of the male attendants could have been straight. They were awfully cute, though. The BA attendants were decidedly not cute, but they might well have been breeders.

Bobby Cox said...

Neighbours: Apparently all the VAA staff are cute because they're young and not paid that well. All the BA crew are more experienced, older and therefore better paid.
God - the level of intellectual discourse here is astonishing!! (?)

Anonymous said...

Bollocks to Showgirls, everything I need to know about life I learnt from Mean Girls.

Oh and never ever ever fly France Air, I've never seen a male under 40 working form them, and not even the good over 40 type of person.

Nix said...

Cristal has the best lines:

- "Do you like her?"
- "I like you."
- "I'll buy her for you."

"This ain't champagne. *This* is holy water."

"On second thought, I'm getting a little too old for that whorey look."

"I want the dress to press, but I don't want my tits levitatin'"

"There's always someone younger and hungrier coming down the stairs behind you."

"My lawyers got me a *real* nice settlement."

"I don't know what you do darlin', and I don't know what you're good at. But if it's at the Cheetah, it's not dancing. I know that much."