Monday, 18 August 2008

Titwanked

I am going to let you imagine a situation.

So you went to the local gay pride march and had fun and decided to go out and suddenly it's Monday morning. You're with a couple who you know from work and two other guys who seem lovely enough.

You don't see them as close friends but you've had great fun nonetheless.

They say: What?! No, you can't go home.
You are unsure of what to say.

It's 6am, south London. This is what you see before you.

What the fuck do you do? Great (a)moral questions of our time, bitches.

What the fuck do you do?

1/ Go home, boil the kettle and take a hot up of cocoa to bed with you.
2/ Unleash hell.

I can't believe I was fucking shit up on a Monday morning at 9am in Fire. Now that I'm 30 I can behave like a fucking degenerate.

While you were getting up to go to work and straightening your tie, I was on the dancefloor without a top on.

While you were picking up a copy of the Metro I was dancing at 140 beats per minute.

When you heard "please mind the gap between the train and the platform", I was bopping with some dude who tried to put his hand down my pants.

A few hours later, while you were looking over some crappy important work memos, I was sat opposite you on the tube.

You were stressed that it was a Monday morning and that you were on your way to work, to face a long week.

I was off my face.

I am fucked, broken, destroyed.

It's time for bed and I'm screwed. I love you.

7 comments:

W said...

maybe its a mid-life crisis

Just Me said...

I am a bit jealous! While I am at work thinking of being anywhere but... you are off having fun.

Enjoy your day!

Superdrewby said...

it's fun isnt it LOL!

Bobby Cox said...

W: I did that! I think it's called badly behaved!

Just: It was the best Monday morning I've had for AGES.

Drew: It was the best. The pinnacle of trash. Crusty, fucked and drunk on a Monday morning in Vauxhall. Woop! Woop!

Timmy said...

So what you're saying is that you didn't go to work? ;-)

Graham said...

Bobby,

Those nights/days are the best, when it's not planned at all and it just happens....but, they can also be the worst, when you're going home and you think that you could have just gone home earlier when you kinda wanted to and you wouldn't have to deal with the shame of it all now. But (another but) you only live once!

Bobby Cox said...

Timmy: I could have gone to work. Just as I could have tried to do advanced calculus. Whether it would have been very effective is debatable.

G-man: You do once live once but that's not how you feel when you sit up in bed on Monday afternoon feeling dehydrated and complete shit, shit, shit!
Je ne regrette rien. Or something.