Sunday, 13 July 2008

Bobby on tour

When I first came to London in 2003, I used to love wandering around the city, especially in the summer when the place as its best. I woke up this morning with nothing to do so decided to go on one of my epic wanders, something I haven't done for years.

For this wander I decided my theme would be "rich fuckers" which would see me walk through some of the poshest and most expensive areas in London.

So I started by walking up the road which takes me into the heart of Hampstead, the most beautiful part of London. Starting in Hampstead is good because everywhere from there is downhill.

I wandered down towards St John's Wood through to Regent's Park until I ended up on Oxford Street. It took me about five hours and here's what I saw along the way...

Fenton House, HampsteadAbove is Fenton House in Hampstead. You know you've arrived when your garden has statues in it...

Fenton House, HampsteadHere's a celebrity house I spotted along the way. When he was featured on MTV Cribs they showed this house, from the street it is quite impressive.

Boy George's Gothic-style home in Hampstead, North LondonI'm not sure if he still lives there but that doesn't stop fans from pitching up nonetheless. I suspect the graffiti on the walls is routinely scrubbed off but some still remains and gives the game away.

Graffiti on the wall of Boy George's gothic home in HampsteadThen, wandering towards St John's Wood can we please admire the very fine butt sticking out of this driveway...

Ferrari in St John's WoodCheck out the tin in this one driveway in St John's Wood - two Range Rovers and a Bentley convertible.

Yes, I'm irritated. Some fucker's living in my house and is using my cars.

Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow in St John's Wood, LondonAnd that's an antique Rolls-Royce which is a little rich but not as rich as the following houses.

Walking along Regent's Canal I was stunned to find a row of, what must be, some of the grandest houses in London. I can't even begin to imagine what these houses would sell for but it's likely it's probably upwards of £15m each. At the very least.

From behind the trees you begin to get a clue...

And then fuck me. This house is a fucking iced cake. There are about six of them, all in a row.

Between the walkway and the houses is a moat which is obviously designed to keep the riff raff out. That's assuming that the peasants don't have wetsuits and can't swim.

And here's what one of them looks like from the front. What fucking self-important cnut puts raised bollards in front of his own house?

Besides, I think these houses are like the peacock of houses. Preening and too grand.

So I hope you've enjoyed this little tour of my city - yes, it's only a relatively quick one. For our next one maybe we'll wander through some of the roughest and scariest neighbourhoods in London.


Anonymous said...

I would not want to have to clean those places. I have my hands full cleaning my place and it's quite a bit smaller.

I especially hate cleaning the silver, so it rarely gets done.


Bobby Cox said...

Carl: You should get someone in to polish your ornaments. I know I do sometimes.

Superdrewby said...

what gay man doesn't have someone to come in a few times a week to polish the ornaments or spit polish the family jewels?

Bobby Cox said...

Drew: My point exactly. I prefer a good polishing at least once a day, if it's possible.

dickophile said...

sooo pretty. there must be some hot sexually repressed closet case living in one of those houses just waiting for some rabid fag to seduce him and help him spend all his money. bobby, will you pick me up at the airport? dickophile is coming to london!

Timmy said...

I'm disappointed that you didn't end up sleeping in one of the houses...sort of like Goldilocks trying out the beds.

Bobby Cox said...

Dick: If you're really brave you'll buy a one-way ticket! See how well you do with the sugar daddies.
Cue CJ Bolland tune; "Sugar daddy, set me free! Sugar daddy, comfort me!" etc.

Timmy: Ah! What a good idea. I should do that again! Besides I have a Press card so I think I could get away with it. Maybe.

fleetmonkey said...

Did you not get any Police or private security give you the once over when you were going through these prestigous areas?