When I first came to London in 2003, I used to love wandering around the city, especially in the summer when the place as its best. I woke up this morning with nothing to do so decided to go on one of my epic wanders, something I haven't done for years.
For this wander I decided my theme would be "rich fuckers" which would see me walk through some of the poshest and most expensive areas in London.
So I started by walking up the road which takes me into the heart of Hampstead, the most beautiful part of London. Starting in Hampstead is good because everywhere from there is downhill.
I wandered down towards St John's Wood through to Regent's Park until I ended up on Oxford Street. It took me about five hours and here's what I saw along the way...
Above is Fenton House in Hampstead. You know you've arrived when your garden has statues in it...
Here's a celebrity house I spotted along the way. When he was featured on MTV Cribs they showed this house, from the street it is quite impressive.
I'm not sure if he still lives there but that doesn't stop fans from pitching up nonetheless. I suspect the graffiti on the walls is routinely scrubbed off but some still remains and gives the game away.
Then, wandering towards St John's Wood can we please admire the very fine butt sticking out of this driveway...
Check out the tin in this one driveway in St John's Wood - two Range Rovers and a Bentley convertible.
Yes, I'm irritated. Some fucker's living in my house and is using my cars.
And that's an antique Rolls-Royce which is a little rich but not as rich as the following houses.
Walking along Regent's Canal I was stunned to find a row of, what must be, some of the grandest houses in London. I can't even begin to imagine what these houses would sell for but it's likely it's probably upwards of £15m each. At the very least.
From behind the trees you begin to get a clue...
And then fuck me. This house is a fucking iced cake. There are about six of them, all in a row.
Between the walkway and the houses is a moat which is obviously designed to keep the riff raff out. That's assuming that the peasants don't have wetsuits and can't swim.
And here's what one of them looks like from the front. What fucking self-important cnut puts raised bollards in front of his own house?
Besides, I think these houses are like the peacock of houses. Preening and too grand.
So I hope you've enjoyed this little tour of my city - yes, it's only a relatively quick one. For our next one maybe we'll wander through some of the roughest and scariest neighbourhoods in London.