Wednesday, 30 July 2008

Little wishes

Just a few people to think about as I lay my head down on my pillow to sleep...

To BA-boy: How the fuck are we supposed to start our relationship if you're not at the fucking gym. Sort it please.

To the guy in the gym who's quite clearly on steroids with the bad tattoo: You look like a doos*.

To the lad at the check-out in Sainsbury's: Head and shoulders will clear that. You should try it.

To the guy on the Central Line who was dressed like an idiot and got off at Notting Hill Gate: You looked more dog's breakfast than Snoop Dogg.

To you know who you are: Don't fucking try and take swipes at me. You'll come off second best, I promise you. ;-)

To someone else: I know you're going to duck out at the last minute in Brighton so I've made plans with other people.

To the lazy fuckers at work: Do some fucking work. I can see that you've been reading this blog! The stats tell me one of you was on it for 49-fucking minutes! Stop trying to flog it to the Daily Mail - they're not interested.

To another fucker at work in the big 1st floor room: I saw you checking me out, dude.

To one of the guys who helped me with the camera: It's 2008 - you can come out of the closet now. It's fine, nobody gives a shit.

To the driver who brought me home: You car smells of sweat and hanging those silly pine-tree thingys from the mirror isn't going to help a jot.

(Oh, here's a good one...) To the person on the sixth floor who had to clean the loos: I feel so fucking sorry for you. I walked in and in the first bowl saw that fucking floater and it stank so much that I left. I hope life brings you more than just scrubbing the porcelein.

Um, that's all I think.

Or, one for the road...

To Simon: Tomorrow I'm going to leave an M&S packet in your car, just to piss you off! x x x

*Doos = South African word. It's not that other people can't use it, it's just that anyone who isn't South African can't say it properly. Like voetsak, gwar and poes; if you know a South African ask them what these words mean...

I've enjoy sending out my little evening blessings. It's like putting little balls of light and thanks into the Universe and letting them float away forever.

Okay, fuck the existential crap. I'm may toss one off and then go to sleep.


Steven said...

To you know who you are: Don't fucking try and take swipes at me. You'll come off second best, I promise you. ;-)

I'm sorry. Happy?

dickophile said...

i love tossing one off and going to sleep. cause then no matter what happened the day ends on a good note.

seahorse said...

i too like calling people a 'boxed cunt' every now and then or even when really livid i shout out 'jou ma se vet vye om gedopte kweper' a mouthful i know..... So is my @%?£.. Lol