Thursday sober

Tonight is the first Thursday, for as long as I can remember, that I am sober. So let's drink to that!

(Usually Thursdays are quite stressful which is why I usually like to unwind with a vat of wine. For some reason tonight I passed...)

So I went and hung around with naked people all morning and it wasn't actually as bad as I thought. Remember, I told you about it yesterday?

There were a few moments were I was trying hard to look at everything but (or butt) however, in the end we escaped unharmed.

As I predicted, most of the people were very much over 60 years old. Have you ever stood in a room full of near-naked wannabe pensioners? Mucho non-sexy.

I only have one observation. When men reach a certain age their crotch becomes like an overgrown jungle. When woman reach that age it becomes like a desolate hinterland. As a guide, you know you're that age when the grey ones start to appear.

Okay, so yes I looked briefly.

I also couldn't help it when one of the guys dropped his glasses and bent over, back towards me, to pick them up.

And when I say bent over, he bent all the way over with his legs straight. Like right over to the other side.

Boy, did the sight hit me right between the eyes, nearly knocked me out. It was like being winked at by the hairiest Santa Claus in the Harvey Nichols Christmas grotto.

And it's not only when they start to go grey. Another sign that the hill is here and you're nearly at the top is when your shoulders start to get hairy. Anyone willing to own up to hairy shoulders?

On Saturday night I have a party and the theme is "P".

There is nothing more irritating in the whole fucking world than fucking fancy fucking dress parties. Especially when the person who proposed the fucking fancy fucking dress idea is not going to fucking be there. (Do you get the sense that I am against this?)

I thought of going as a person, dressed up as myself. I thought of Posh Spice - in drag with big sunglasses, oranges down my chest and a load of boutique shopping bags.

But then it hit me, no fucking way. I am going as Personal Trainer / PE Teacher. This means I can just wear my gym kit. Easy-peasy.

If anyone has another idea, p-p-p-p-p-p-lease speak! And don't say poof because I've thought of that. And I thought about going as a paedophile too (trench coat with lots of sweeties...)

Doncha fucking hate fancy dress? Fuck.

Oh yeah, and I spotted this in Private Eye. It made me smile.