Monday, 27 October 2008

Bobby Bond

I'm at the gym, on the incline bench - the one at an angle - doing chest.

There's a guy who I've never seen before bumbling about and he's the kind of guy who needs to be on a treadmillnot screwing about amongst the weights.

So I am heaving these weights up and down (you get one guess as to what comes next...)

Yeah, the fucking idiot, wanker, son of a bitch, words cannot describe how angry I am stumbles into me and knocks my arm back.

I drop the weight and grab my shoulder. It's fucking sore.

"Watch what you're fucking doing, Jesus!"

Thankfully a trainer is nearby and sees what happens.

This is good because it means any requirement for macho straight man-on-man pushing around and potential physicality is circumvented.

The trainer asks if I'm okay; I say it's fine, I think. It fucking hurts.

He tells the Wanker Idiot (my editorialisation) to watch what he's doing and if he's new, says he needs to sign up for an induction.

Good. Inside I'm standing with my arms on my hips, tutting and stamping my foot. Outside I go "yeah mate, you really need to watch what you're doing."

So I haven't done anything too bad, just stretched a deltoid or something. It's part of the shoulder.

Whenever I hear words like deltoid and bicep, I always want to do at least five minutes of Rocky Horror.

We do a few stretching exercises and now I am sat with my upper arm and shoulder covered in fucking Deep Heat.

And cue the Princess hissy fit..

"I have to be on a fucking beach in Cape Town in three months, looking like I just stepped out of the pages of Men's Health and this fucking wanker has gone and set my shoulder development back by at least three weeks. This is nearly a catastrophe. Ohmygod, my arm looks so under-developed in that picture. Fuck, there's so much to do....! Ohmygod, I yadda yadda..."

On a completely different note though - I actually feel good. All the better for having seen you...

Not now though - but 40 years ago, maybe...


czechOUT said...

Jeez Bob v.3 thought it was too much time under the sun lamp that made the upper arm look funky.

'Cos if it is, then you'll wish you looked like the guy with the pixel-ated face in your recent blog post.

But it's nice to see you at long last. I always thought u wore glasses.

ahoj ;)

Timmy said...

Wish I was there to massage it, kiss it and make it feel better...your arm that is.

dickophile said...

40 yrs ago we would have had to fight over him. though i dont think any bond could ever be hotter than danny boy. mmmmm. danny.

Drew said...

OMG how weird

just as I read your Rocky Horror line my iphone shuffled over to ROCKY HORROR!

AAAAAAAAARGH my iphone knows what I am reading!

Save ME

Bobby Cox said...

Czech: I do wear glasses - when I can't see! x

Timmy: Oh thanks. I'm sure that will heal it - your powers are known throughout the land and your reputation precedes you. In a good way, I mean...

Dick: The funny thing about Danny Boy is that in some pics he is super hot - while in others, he is positively minging...

Drew: Always remember that... it's beyond me... help!!! me mommy... I'll be good, you'll see - and take these dreams away. What's this.. let's seee... AAAAAAAHHHHHHH feel sexy.... Whats?! Come?! Over?E ME?? WHOA.... here's it comes agaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiinnnn.............

Martin said...

Even less time if you plan to lie on Clifton all December...

Hate that kind of inconsiderate jerk - at least I did when I used to gym. Now I probably look like that jerk.