So who the fuck turned the dial to the setting marked Winter?
We didn't even have an autumn because suddenly the streets are filled with leaves and at night there is frost on all the cars. Bloody hell it's cold.
There is an upside to this though.
Tonight the gym was absolutely empty, just as it was last night.
My guess this is for two reasons; first is that it's now too cold and no-one can be bothered. Instead everyone is sitting at home eating chicken pie and drinking red wine. Fuckers, I hate them.
Second is that our gym is usually packed with boys in T-shirts that say Lehman Brothers, JP Morgan and Credit Suisse on the back.
Due to the credit crunch I think they're all too stressed out to come.
I guess they're all in their towers in Canary Wharf, with their head in their hands - the tears of despair slowly stain their keyboards as they realise that they're not going to make their £124,000,000 annual bonus.
No more renting apartments from Foxtons for a million pounds a month. No more leased Aston Martins. No spraying champagne around nightclubs in St James for the sake of it. Poor diddums.
So the nice thing is, while all the city boys are stressing out about how they're going to pay off their RBS Black card and (I think we've had enough of the anti-City boy sarcasm please... Ed.)
Anyway, the point is that the gym is empty which is great because it means that if you need, you can fart and no-one's the wiser.
And you can listen to the 8-minute version of the Pet Shop Boys 12" Thunderpuss Goddess remix of Liza Minnelli's Losing My Mind and no-one else will hear it and think "God, that is so gay."
I still self-censor on the Tube though. There is some music I will expressly not listen to, incase somebody overhears me listening to it. The assumptions can be devastating.
And since you don't have to face me on a daily basis I might as well tell you what some of the banned list includes:
1/ The Xanadu soundtrack.
I love Xanadu and Olivia Newton John but it's not for public consumption ever. Even when I'm alone I listen to this with headphones on just incase.
Okay I have all the ABBA albums and I know all the words. Imagine you were standing next to a guy on the Tube and you heard "so when you're near me, dahling can't you hear me, SOS!" What would you think?!
3/ Hmm... iTunes tells me I've listened to the Bayside Boys remix of the Macarena three times. This can't be right. It's not mine.
4/ And when the fuck did Jive Bunny and the Mastermixers make its way onto my iPod? I swear I have no idea what that's doing there either.
"C-c-c-c-come on let's twist again... like we did last did last did last did last summer."
Oh shut up, this list is a silly idea.
Speaking of the Tube, I have a conundrum for you. Spotted on the Central Line between Holland Park and Bond Street...
Torn jeans, long hair, long defined legs, necklaces, a handbag and flat leather lace-up shoes.
Is it a girl dressed up like a boy? Or a boy dressed up like a girl?