The project I've been working on for the last two years has been canned. It's a money thing. In TV there is no money.
I'm not out of a job because I've been on secondment. It just means I'll go back to what I was doing.
I can't believe it's come to an end. My life will return to normal.
It doesn't sound like anything important or even interesting, and the news came so swiftly, but it's so odd. Suddenly after two years of week-in-week-out grafting, everything's going to change.
Our organisation doesn't usually pay for overtime but instead chooses days off in lieu. I am owed at least 32 days off in lieu. This is besides the 15 days I am owed for annual leave.
I am tempted to put in a leave request from December 18th to April 1. I'm pretty sure it'll be turned down.
I don't want to go back to what I was doing. I have a lot of thinking to do.
Do I just quit completely and go back to studying?
Do I just quit completely and go back to Cape Town?
Do I just continue like nothing ever happened?
Do I now make the break to the States?
Do I find a better job in London and regret all of the above?
My head is in a thousand different places right now and I don't really know what to type. I am so excited and so relieved but yet so daunted by what comes next.
I am standing at a crossroads and there are, quite literally, more than 5 roads to choose from.
It's like you're lying in bed, warm and smug and suddenly your mum bangs on the door and says "right, get out - it's time for you to go and get a job because dad and I are not paying for anything anymore."
I know I should go with what my gut is telling me. Am I brave enough to do so? I don't know.
All I know is that I'm being forced to grow up and that's something I just don't / want / can't do.
From being in control of my life I am suddenly, at 30, being forced to chose my next path and I don't know what to do.
Maybe this is the time to grasp what I've always wanted to do.
Maybe on this occasion I will ignore what everyone else is saying and go with my gut. Maybe, right now, I will pursue what I've always wanted...
But the pathetic thing is, is that I'm just too scared to do anything like that. I don't know why.