Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Am Not Dog

Today I dressed the dog up in a silly hat and I went out for lunch with Charlotte. At lunch with Charlotte I drank beer and ate the kind of food I wouldn't dare; mashed potato and steak.

And tonight I went out with Dad and I had more wine and gin & tonic. And when I am not eating or drinking I am sleeping because it's June in Cape Town and the rain is beating against the window and the wind is howling.

Last night I was with Andrew, a friend from school who I've known for 17 years. We drank white wine and flirted with boys. Andrew is the worst fucking enabler into this type of lifestyle because he works in IT, has a personal trainer and can therefore drink without consequence.

I have none of that and even now, while typing this, I have a G&T sitting next to me. I know I should remember that we are actually in the middle of summer in London, when boys are wearing tight T-shirts and shorts but fuck that.

When I get back home I will nail the gym. I will stick my finger down my throat twice a day and singe my liver and kidneys with creatine.

I've been pissed since the Virgin Atlantic departure lounge. Coming to Cape Town in the winter is like trying to hold a gay pride parade in Saudi Arabia. Everybody wants to get up and do something but certain factors mean that most people just end up not bothering.

In this case that factor is the weather. It's cold and the strong gale means that the rain falls horizontally. The beach is not even an option. It's cold and wet.

Whatever. Now that I am 30, I don't care. Lights, disco and beautiful boys? Fuck it.. wait until tomorrow. Tonight I am going to sit and watch TV as the storm clouds burst over the house.

Enough of the fucking weather crap, I'm pissed and I am going to collapse into bed. Let's all get together and sing Kum Ba Ya (My Lord).

At the moment the only thing that's sharing my bed with me is a big and beautiful cat called Grease. She has that silly name because my dad found her as a kitten in a muddle of grease at a petrol station.

Don't dis my pussy. She's da shiz.

Okay, I could be starting to rap. Enough.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

This cat looks VERY simalar to a stray cat I feed on the porch every day. I've been feeding it for over a year and still have yet to tame it down. It has let me pet it though.

I have an inate thing about taking care of things I guess. It's second nature to me.

dickophile said...

aw. she's so cute. i like the pussy. wait. that came out wrong. so do she and the dog get along or are they mortal enemies?

Timmy said...

The weather sounds like is sucks but keep your pecker up!

Jack in Sydney said...

I love the dog-inna-hat substituting for you in the banner.

Bobby Cox said...

Anon: The great thing about animals is that they can't tell you to fuck off or moan when you fart. So I like them too.

Dick: She bosses the dog. The dog who is called Sally, is scared of all the cats.

Timmy: The gold swimming costume wouldn't have stood a chance in this gale!

Jack: yey! somebody noticed, thank you... do you know how long I had to get Sally to "sit, wait..." so that I could take that picture!? Damn dogs...

Alfred said...

The pets are very cute.I like dog more than cat.Because is very funny and easy control.

Bobby Cox said...

Alfred: And the dogs can bark which is a far more useful talent.

Anonymous said...

Workers who work in garages around grease are called Grease Monkeys. I think you should call her Grease Monkey. Or maybe Grease Lighting.

Carl

Anonymous said...

Hey Bobby,
Well Northern California is burning down. My crew and I are being sent to Humbolt County to fight wildfires. So if you are watching CNN and see fire coverage, you may see me. I’ll be the short chick amongst 300 firemen. See you (or at least your not blog) in five days……Liz

Bobby Cox said...

Carl: Grease Monkey could be funny given that she's a cat.

Liz: Firefighters, uniforms, hoses, flames etc. Good luck and stay safe!