Sunday, 1 June 2008

Rev my V8

In less than a week I fly out to Cape Town for my 30th and I need to do some clothes shopping.

In this respect I am a pathetic gayer because clothes shopping bores me. Today is no different from the hundreds of times before.

I arrive on Oxford Street, one of the busiest and crowded shopping districts in the world.

Crowded Oxford Street in Central London's West End on a busy Sunday morningCrowd is the operative word. Why do people reach the top of the escalator and stop? Why do people walk so slowly down the road?

Anyway, the operation is to start at Selfridges and shop my way to Oxford Circus.

Except the same thing happens every time. I walk into Selfridges, there are far too many women dressed in veils fighting over £10,000 handbags, so I leave.

I end up in the HMV buying CDs and DVDs. Every bloody time.

I get bored in HMV, mainly due to the price of everything - £25 ($50) for Season 2 of Family Guy! No wonder people are copying it onto the net and circulating it for free. Greedy Hollywood bastards.

So I leave there, stop by the M&S and then go home.

Damn. maybe next time I'll buy some clothes.

At some point along the way, I do end up in the Apple store where I carry out some advertising and shameless self-promotion.

I left it there and I don't think anyone saw it either...

Oh yeah, and on the way back to Bond Street tube station I spot this Ferrari. This is another indication of my ungayness.

First I reject clothes shopping and now I am lusting after cars.

This car is a 599GT Fiorano and it costs around £185,000.

Actually, I am not lusting after this Ferrari. I think it looks like a frog. I don't like it. If you were to point a gun at my head and force to to purchase a Ferrari it would have to be this one...

Ferrari 288 GTOOf course we all know that this is not the Magnum PI Ferrari. That was a 308 GTS.

This baby, above, is the Ferrari 288 GTO. This Ferrari has a 4litre V8 (that's like saying it has an 11-inch cock) and when it goes fast it sounds like very scary motorbike. It is breathtaking.

Anyway, enough about cars. Although maybe I should start a blog about cars. "Weird gay dude, writes about fast cars", could really be a ratings winner? Maybe?

Back on the Central Line, you won't fucking believe who I run into. Look! It's Michael Jackson...

Oh yeah. And another thing - I am sick of waiting to turn 30 so I made a unilaterial decision about this, I think I made it while I was on the loo.

I have rescheduled my birthday. It is now happening on June 4th 2008 because in Britain the date will be 040608. This means the celebrations will now take place on Wednesday and not the following week, as previously noted.

Drop me a note and I'll let you have the address where you can drop off the Ferrari, all nicely wrapped with a full tank of petrol. Thanks.


Timmy said...

Hate to disappoint you but I won't be able to make it across the pond in time for the festivities.

Superdrewby said...

you would be suprised just how many gayers are car fanatics LOL

My hubby is the original boy racer which is why we have stuff in the garage that you would probably like LOL

dickophile said...

liking a ferrari is not ungay as long as you also want to fuck the guy who drives it. that would be gay. and if you want to fuck him so he'll buy you something pretty then i think you're definitely safe from being accused of heterosexuality.

Monty said...

Love the new look - is that dude in the header you????? If so, HOT!


seahorse said...

bob o bob wherefore art thou bob been... Well i tell ya its good to know that ya change blogs like i change my undergarments..maybe old age will calm you down a little hey.. Do not fear im only a few months behind ya! I will have a couple martinis for you on tuesday when i take my nephew out to dinner for his 10th aswell. You off to africa again then?

Bobby Van said...

Timmy: i'll keep a place at the table for you.

Drew: yeah, so this amuses me because when gay mags relaunch there is always a feature on cars that gets dropped by the second issue. i am confused though - because cars are the embodiment of butch, masculine, muscle etc. you would have thought the gays would have flocked to them. also a car is the ultimate show-off material. you can toss D&G sweaters and Prada loafers in the bin - if you have a shiney set of wheels, nothing else matters actually.

Dick: You should never sleep with someone just to get a ride in their car. I made this promise to myself ages ago.

Monty: It is me in the picture at the top listening to er, I don't remember what actually. I think the cord was just hanging loose. Though I was wearing underwear.

Seahorse: Taking some poor boy out for his birthday and getting liquored on martinis. sies.

A said...

this year my bday date was 060408 - I guess it's because of its uncoolness that someone started a huge fight during my birthday party...

happy that u r back!

Superdrewby said...

too true - but also so many gay men actually buy VM Golfs as well...

or even worse and thank god I know you drive an audi) they buy fucking 328 BMWs like hello what the fuck is that about?

seriously though the reason why the gay mags drop the car ads after the second one, is because the gay boys who lust after cars dont read the gay mags, they are the ones reading the Financial Times and Wheels Magazine

Cars however are not the embodiment of masculinity, they are actually a feminine object not male

oh god I have rambled on again!

Anonymous said...

Someday we must celebrate our birthday(s) together. Two in one week! Would be fun. A week full of treking around riding roller coasters, eating etc.

I have no plans for my birthday. I'm on vacation right now and am getting together with friends daily. I will either go to a swanky restaurant that night or the following night on Saturday with a friend. Nothing big. Birthdays don't get much attention on my part. I don't care when they come or when they go. They don't excite me or bother me in the least.

My birthday did get a LOT of attention by the press two years ago whent he date was 06-06-06 or 666 when you took the zero's out. Everyone thought I was a devil child. How odd.

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm an angel!

I don't think I'd like Capetown. Sounds hot and dry there. I saw a guy on tv the other day and recognized his accent as being british south african right off as I know a family fromt here and one guy from college that grew up there. I sort of like the accent. It's slightly different than Englanders.



Bobby Van said...

Bearboy: why the fuck was my invite? fucker.
x x x

drew: so that's a good point about cars being feminine. i think they are actually. and as for the audi - it is time for it to go.
i find it boring, sluggish and heavy. i love cars but they're SUCH an expensive hobbby. right now, i can think of so many other things i could do with the cash.

Carl: !6/6/6... haha! I am sure you're an angel. i think you're a very gentle character actually. am I right? In real life I too am very effusive about my birthday, i think it's a Gemini thing which is why I drone on about it here. (because i can)... yeah - maybe we should have a day on the rollercoasters etc. how old are you going to be on Friday?