Wake up and there it is.
I get a text from Davey saying it was nice to see me.
"Nice to see you last night - let's do it again sometime ;-)"
I think I'm going to have to explain this.
So Andrew, who lives in Cape Town, has Pro Bono Thursday which means that every Thursday he makes an effort to see people who he doesn't really want to.
The thinking is that doing so puts good karma into the world and means that in return you'll get to spend time with people whose company you enjoy.
I have adapted this brilliant idea except mine isn't Pro Bono Thursday but Pro Bono Bonking.
Davey is really sweet, he's lovely, he's from Cambridge, he's clever, he's into classic literature and he's 22.
He's not really my type and he's still half in the closet, his housemate and best friend who was away, is in the Army which is why, for him, it's a welcome treat.
Davey likes to call every-so often to arrange it. I like call it Pro Bono Bonking.
All I ever seem to do is put dirty clothes into the fucking washing machine fuck.
I'm filling my water bottle up in the gym and around the corner I can hear that one of the songs they play during boxercise class in the gym is Beat It.
God help us.
Doing an extra 50 sit-ups so that I will get the chance to reclaim my good Pro Bono karma by finally becoming naked in a confined space with Damon.
There's nothing hotter than two straight meatheads arguing about who has the better sixpack. Especially when they insist on physical comparisons.
It's parked there again outside the gym, taunting me. Reminding me that my 30 years on this planet have come to nothing and that I am useless, inept and ugly because I don't own one.
Seeing this kind of machinery parked in my path makes me ache physically and emotionally.
Hanging out the washing fuck.
Do you know how difficult it is to try and write this while my housemate is in front of me exercising her bloody triceps?
And I wish she'd close the bloody curtains when doing it.
And yes, I know - the mirror on the left needs hanging up.
And you can't ask who Damon is just yet.