I am up 6 minutes before the alarm clock goes off because I cannot sleep.
My arm is dead because I've been lying on it though for a moment it feels like it's been cut off. There is a heavy panic for about 1.7 seconds.
My arm is still there. Panic over.
Arrive at work and put my tog bag on the desk because as I was walking through the door I saw a mouse run across the floor, from the stairs to a hole in the floor where the plugs are.
I always imagine getting home, opening your bag and the vermin from the office scuttles out.
From the canteen I buy a bottle of sparking water (70p).
On Sky News they are showing Jade Goody's funeral. In life she always said she was like Marmite; you either loved her or you hated her.
So on the hearse there is a bouquet of flowers in the shape of a Marmite jar. This is probably the tackiest thing I have ever seen in my life.
I contemplate why, in death, bad taste becomes excusable.
Decide that when I die I want my funeral to be summed up by the words "sleek" and "black".
Reminded of the joke in Airplane! where two children have been served coffee.
Little boy: Cream?
Little girl: No thank. I take it black. Like my men.
Death is all around, especially on the TV and I'm watching it.
Decide to write my will so search the internet for the correct wording. I can't find anything. I see Asda sell pre-written wills for a fiver. I must remember to get one.
Walk to the Tesco. Buy a cheese-straw-thing because I'm feeling bad in a good way.
Spot Sean who I went to school with in South Africa. What a small world. What a dickhead.
I make every effort to ignore him but feel a little smug that I look more worked out than he is since he used to be first team waterpolo.
See a guy walking towards the rowing machine with the biggest legs I have ever seen in my whole. Calves like packs of ammunition. The smug blanket that enveloped me after seeing Sean vanishes immediately.
Checking out the best leg exercises on the internet.
Eating two Oatabix in bowl which I have soaked in water. A scoop of chocolate protein shake makes them all nice and sweet. It is sad that this is the tastiest thing I will eat all day. I wish my body dysmorphia would go away but it won't.
I like this picture taken on my bed. White like a virgin. Bullshit!
Can't be bothered to go and meet friends in Kilburn for a drink.
Having only had about 4 hours sleep last night I decide that by 22.00 I will be in bed.
Lights out will be at 22.01.
I expect to fall asleep sometime after 1am.