Ohmygod my housemate has a gentleman in her room, I can hear them talking as I walk to the bathroom.
It usually pisses me off if they're hot.
In the kitchen putting tuna in a baguette and oh.my.god this male guest we have in the house walks in. Imagine this picture:
Okay, so the guy standing in the kitchen who my housemate's brought home? He has absolutely NOTHING in common with the guy in the picture above.
Weedy, lanky, pasty with very hairy arms. I get mini-throw up reflux.
Housemate admits that Dr Steve, who's thankfully gone, hasn't been her finest moment.
Have finally learnt an Andrew Dice Clay nursery rhyme off by heart so that I can recite it at parties when the room goes quiet.
In your best Brooklyn accent:
Little Bo Peep fucked a sheep
Blew a horse and licked his feet
She ate his ass, so very nice
and tongued his balls not once but twice.
Watching Grease on TV, goddam that Sandy is a frigid bitch.
They're at the drive-in and Danny puts his arm around her and she freaks out, slams the door on his cock and stomps off calling his car a "sin wagon". He didn't even touch her boob!
Also, Danny and his crew constantly make fun of the jocks. What the fuck? Who would you rather dragged you around the back of the bike shed? The incredible hulk (jocks) or some guy in leather who constantly bursts into song (Danny and friends)?
Here's a quick guide to help you decide:
I think that this website is brilliant.
(Don't look at it if you're at the office)
And so in honour of it I decide to make my own picture but the results are horrifying. I'm still work in progress for summer so unfortunately things must be pixellated.
All I'm willing to give is one little section of bicep that needs some serious bulk on it.
The worrying thing is that a friend of mine who takes photos for a living says he'll take some pictures of me on June 1st.
I plan to be in my underwear for these pictures so shit-balls, there's a lot of work to do.
I would love to stay and chat but I'm going to do sit-ups, eat soup and then throw up.